i cant go on

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by plummyshaz, Nov 20, 2007.

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  1. plummyshaz

    plummyshaz New Member

    i dont know how to do this anymore, i feeel so alone yet i have a husband of 17 yrs,i was 17 when i met him and going through such pain that i think he was a escape from all that,it happenened when my mum left us just a week b4 xmas i was only 27 and my sisters were 12 and 15 yrs old my dad was devastated he couldnt cope so i took over,she put a note throught he door i remember one night that told me where 2 find our xmas pressies in the wardrobe she told me whos pressiees were whos and i had 2 wrap them even my own! my sisters never new and still dont 2 this day,that xmas my heart died i think and every xmas scince ive struggled 2 keep my feeelings hidden,but i feel like i cant go through another one this year,i self harm and my last attack was only a week ago i feel like this is the end now and i have noone 2 turn 2 at all im just lost
  2. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Oh dear! What a way to leave this life but to pass the burden a child. You have been asked too much no matter the age and keeping it inside all this time has not helped you at all.

    Have you sough to seek help, even if just a person, not involved whatsoever like a psi, a therapist, a counselor or to talk to a friend you can trust? Does your husband about this and how it makes you feel in the 'holy season'?

    Bottling it inside does you no good hunny. It must come out and it is not in the self harming yourself that you will succeed.

    Now that your sisters are older, perhaps even with them you should talk about this and share with them how you feel now. They might be or become your strenght and the person(s) on which you can lean on without knowing if you dont give them a chance.

    I wish you all the best dear. Xmas season is the hardest for me as well... this year I will try to exorcise this xmas thing... i will either i succeed or it will kill me but somehting i must do to break this insanity lived year after year.
    This time i've told what i am about to do to my hsuband that after almost 50 years just found out how i truely felt about xmas. (sad smile)

    be well hun and stay safe more than anything
    alone you are not here. :hug:
  3. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    I completely agree with Endinday. Keeping these feelings to yourself will make it worse and worse. The longer you leave it the worse it will become in most cases. Talking about it to someone you trust such as a close friend or a therapist might reverse the feelings. You shouldn't have to be sad at any time of the year, especially Christmas.
  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Here if you need someone to lean on hun :hug:
  5. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    talking will help hun, there are loads of ppl here willing to listen and help if we can.
    you won't be a burden on anyone, we understand.

    be safe and take care
  6. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum.i feel for you so much and thanks for writing such a brave post.You have been through so much and to go through that as a child must have been both harrowing and frightening and im not surprised it still affects you so much.i feel useless.i feel your pain and wish i could do something to take it away.Please keep posting.Hope to see you around and that you feel it has helped.There will be many here like me who will always talk to you and try and reach out to you.There are some really good people here and if you ever want to talk in private feel free to private message me anytime and I will try and get back to you!!
  7. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    I agree with all other forumers but on one thing I would rather you talking, opening up as well to your sisters..... either from the beginning or after you have sorted things out with counselor or therapist.

    Take your own welfare in your hands dear and seek help. There is no reasons you must carry alone this burden. Lift that sheet you have put onto your feelings and let fresh air makes its way and get rid of the germs (bad memories etc).

    Lots of love, granny xx
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