I am so terrified! My heart is racing and I am in so much pain! My so called friends aren't there for me. I asked one to meet meand she just stopped by for 10 minutes because she had more important things to do. I found ouit last Tues that where I work, thwey are closing! Our new store manager is very young (26) and can't handle the stress and it tricles down to me as the assistant! It has magnified my suicisal tendicies tenfold!! I wake up in a panic attack every day now! I JUST WANT TO END IT NOW!! I am tired! I have reached out to friends..didn't work! I can't tell anyone in my family..went through this 20 years ago and it was an utter emberasment to them..My Mom came to a session and told my therapist "I'm not her support system. Never have been and never will!" I tried talkimg to my husband..he. Gets angry and more abusive! My insurance kicked in and I found a therapist..appointment isn't till August! I have major trust issues and it is hard to find someone I can open up to!! I have tried! I am nothing but a big failure!! even enough for stitches but I watched it slowly bleed! I can't even cut mysel right!! and just made me sleepy. I drink to dull the pain because it is all I got!! I can't do this thing called life anymore! I'm just better off dead! Peiple will get over it! I know for a fact because a friend beat me to the punch 2 weeks ago! Everyone has since moved on! O am so terrified that today is the day I'm going to end my miserable sorry existence.