I can't handle this anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by FrisdrankReclame, Nov 17, 2014.

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  1. FrisdrankReclame

    FrisdrankReclame New Member

    So I've had my own deal of trouble in the past which was always manageable but I'm at a point now where I really feel like giving up. I'm 20 years old, in my 3rd year of university studying jurisprudence and I have the most beautiful and loving girlfriend for half a month now. Sounds perfect right? I thought I had it all...

    My parents have been really pressuring me at everything, I almost left the house and it's still very bad. On top of that my girlfriend is everything but fair with me. She has a very (very very very) good friend. A bit of background on him: he came into her life a little before we started officially dating, they've been good friends ever since and we've had some argues about it but always made peace again. There are quite a few rumors around but I trust(ed) my girlfriend until today. So she left her phone at mine which I hadn't even noticed until she called me through her housephone and told me about it. She also added to NOT read her text. Now I was very confused as she was/is normally very open about her texting and stuff (it's not that I actually asked to read her stuff but she let me read along as she texted). Now this rung a huge alarmbell and I did something I shouldn't have done. I read her texts, particularly to that certain friend and they were all but good.

    They were very suggestive about desires to kiss one another and even other stuff. While they both said 'it's not ok to do this stuff' from time to time, I do feel horribly betrayed by this. I've always put faith in her, giving her the benefit of the doubt but this is a just a knife in my back. Their texting was super suggestive but it was also clear that nothing has happened (yet?) which does somewhat comfort me. I acted like nothing happened, we had a talk about her defensive behaviour about the texts but she seems to really love me but I don't know it anymore.

    Now tie this to how I never ever want to be home and my very best to avoid it there as much as I can... The only outway I see now is ending it all. My parents won't be troubled by me anymore, my girlfriend can be happy with that other guy and my social circle isn't that huge so I won't be missed. I've cracked, my immer positive attitude has been broken and I'm lost...
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Perhaps hun she is torn between the two of you and yet she has chosen to stay with you for a reason because she does care for you more
     
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