I can't handle this.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Storielle, May 22, 2015.

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  1. Storielle

    Storielle New Member

    I'm 28. I've been fighting depression for 15 years now, and I've been at least somewhat stable the past two years- somewhat.

    I lost my job today. I consistently showed up late because I couldn't manage to wake up for work. I have about a two month window before I'll be in dire straights financially. The job I lost was the best I'd ever had, but I even managed to screw that up.

    So now I'm sitting here, realizing that I'm 28 and I've done absolutely nothing with my life. I'm a complete waste. If I get another job, I don't even know if I'll be able to hold it. And even then, it would just be a job. When I was younger, I always promised myself that I would do something that I love as a career. Now, I can't even keep an entry level position. I've failed completely. And I don't understand why it has to be so much harder for me than those people who are happy and doing something they love. I don't know what I did wrong to deserve having a mind so messed up that I can't function like a normal human.

    I want to die. I'm done. I want this to be over. I've got no one to turn to and nothing left to give. I'm so screwed up that every medication, every therapy has been a waste on me.

    I just want to be done. I'm so tired.
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Hey, don't feel too badly! Many, many people have gone through the same thing you've gone through--and some of them don't even have depression to blame it on... So take it easy on yourself, and give credit where credit's due; because after all, you held a job. Who cares if it's not the job you've always dreamed of. Very few people have that anyway. And there's no reason to believe that you can't have that too one day. Keep a positive mindset. Maybe take a little break. Recharge and refresh. Then get back out there and find something to do again. And believe me, it is precisely these entry-level jobs that are often times the most taxing on us!
  3. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I feel as if I have nowhere to turn to either. My head has been messed up for two and a half years during which they have tried just about every medication but nothing ever works. I'm sorry that they haven't been able to help you.
  4. GreySilence

    GreySilence Well-Known Member

    It really is tough to find something that you love doing but also get paid for it. I think what you should do is gather what strength you have left, and try to get a job again. In your free time, take a bit of it to relax, and use the rest of your time trying new things and searching for your passion. Once you find something you feel passionate about, you can try to cultivate that passion and grow more knowledgeable/skillful in the subject.

    There's gotta be some things you enjoy in this life, some people who at least like having you around, and possibly in the future you could be really happy. I wanted to give up not too long ago, again, because I felt that no matter what I did, I wouldn't be able to make a living while enjoying myself. I couldn't end my life because I felt too guilty about hurting everyone around me, as well as the fact that people would have to dispose of my body afterwards, not a very nice task to leave for someone else. I always seem to regret suicidal thoughts after I calm down, it's incredibly scary to think that I could've ended my own life. I decided that I'd throw away my pride, and now I'm going to go get some shitty job someplace and just bear with it while I nurture my passion into something I can get money out of doing. I cling onto the hope that I even have a chance for a happy future, because if I drop out of life now, it's just game over and I'll definitely never be happy.

    Try to appreciate the little things more, and don't let yourself stay in a depressive downwards spiral of negative emotion. Depression exponentially gets worse the longer you let it slap you around. Force yourself to look on the bright side of things, it'll be doing yourself a massive favour. Right now, you're probably looking at everything in a negative light- but there really is a good side to most things. It's also so easy to forget about everything in the world that makes you happy when you're feeling dejected- try to remember those things!

    You can do it, don't give in!
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, could there be an under lying reason as to why you ''couldn't get out of bed''? Did you get your heath screened?

    Regardless, I am sorry for what you have been and are going through currently. A lot of people here are on your shoes, the only thing we can move is forward and try to make your lives better and easier for ourselves. You are more than welcome to talk to me anytime you like :hugs:
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Job hunting for a new job can be a pain but what's done is done, only thing can do is pull yourself back up and learn from it. Oversleeping is one of the problematic things people go through, I overslept so many times in college and could not figure out why it was happening as I went to bed early and slept on weekends as much as I could but just suddenly snapped out of it and now can sleep and wake up on time with speciality alarm clock help.
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