I'll try and keep this simple because I can't explain very well. I feel like my time has long been up. For as long as I can remember i've had a feeling of loss and melancholy. I feel disconnected and despondent from life as if nothing is real, and the feeling has got worse over the years. In my physical life I pretty much spend my days alone. I know that, mentally, i've caved in on myself at 21 now. I'm not scared of dying. What scares me is imagining i'll be here in 5, 10 years or more, when my youth and these thoughts are a longing memory. I worry about my parents because I don't want to hurt them.. but I simply can't hold on for much longer. I've never really known myself in life but I know this is what I need to do. I'm not mentally ill, I just don't want to feel trapped any more.