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I can't imagine a life beyond suicide

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by darkrider, Apr 20, 2009.

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  1. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member

    I'll try and keep this simple because I can't explain very well.

    I feel like my time has long been up. For as long as I can remember i've had a feeling of loss and melancholy. I feel disconnected and despondent from life as if nothing is real, and the feeling has got worse over the years. In my physical life I pretty much spend my days alone. I know that, mentally, i've caved in on myself at 21 now.

    I'm not scared of dying. What scares me is imagining i'll be here in 5, 10 years or more, when my youth and these thoughts are a longing memory.

    I worry about my parents because I don't want to hurt them.. but I simply can't hold on for much longer. I've never really known myself in life but I know this is what I need to do. I'm not mentally ill, I just don't want to feel trapped any more.
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Do you currently see a professional or a doctor about your feelings of loss, etc.
  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I feel the same way. Except I never thought I'd make it to 21. I couldn't imagine my life beyond 18 when I was younger. I always thought I never wanted all that responsibility. Now I'm sitting here at 19, doing nothing with my life, which may or may not relate to your situation but what I do relate to is that I cannot imagine my life in 5 or 10 years, hell even in 6 or 7 months. I don't know what it would look like. I don't want it to look like anything just nothingness.
  4. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member

    Yes that is my situation iloveyou.

    Mystic, yes i've seen people, but it doesn't help. I can say i've tried.

    I don't want to die here where I was born but i'm starting to feel indifferent. My life is really not going to be worth it and I don't want to experience more misery and grief. I don't want to stick it out any longer. Christ I feel awful.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Have you tried any group sessions where you are around other people with similar problems?? Maybe even do some volunteer work to get you out of the house where your mind isn't sitting idle wanting it all just to end...There has to be another way.. There are so many different paths you just need to find the right one..
  6. darkrider

    darkrider Well-Known Member

    I do some volunteering, but it's not very much.

    I've asked about group sessions, but there aren't any. Or not close by anyway. I would like to talk with one or two people, but not too many because I have problems with anxiety and talking in group situations. I go mute usually.
  7. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Do you think that if you didn't spend your days on your own, instead spending them with friends, etc, things might be different?
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