I can't keep doing this..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jenny17, Sep 11, 2009.

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  1. jenny17

    jenny17 Member

    I don't know where to start... I don't talk about this to anyone, the few family members that I'm close to ... no friends anyway and I don't see any doctors or anything like that. The first time I took an overdose I was 12, since then I've tried a good few times. My family only know about the first and one about six years ago. I did try to get help twice but it takes so long to get an appointment and I hate the thoughts of going into hospital, spent two days in one after one attempt and I watched my older sister just get worse over the three years she was in one before she finally managed to kill herself when I was 16.
    I feel so empty, like there's nothing there inside me, I can't even cry anymore. And I hate that the only feelings I seem to have anymore are anger and despair and feeling like I'll never change, never get my life sorted.
    I have had no long term relationships, I'm just so alone I never feel like I belong anywhere. I know why I'm like this just don't know how to change. Not a day goes by without wanting to finish it all. I was at the bus stop today and all I could think was that it would be so easy to step out...
    I come from a large family but only have two sisters that I really stay in contact with and am close to, the only reason I'm still here is because I don't really want to do that to them. We all know what it was like when my other sister died, but I'm worried that won't stop me for good and I know how upset they'd be, but sometimes it seems like they'd be better off without me anyway
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know getting help can be frustrating. It can take a while to get the appointments you need, and it's tough building a relationship with a therapist. But it's worth it, if it helps you feel better. At least it's a step in the right direction.

    Do your sisters know how you feel? It might help to be able to talk to them, or to someone, who can try to help you.
  3. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    i can relate to the anger and despair you feel. i feel sad sometimes, then i just get so mad at myself for feeling like that and for being this messed up. i know what you mean about long waiting times but my doctor now visits me at home. could you ask if thats an option?
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey there is hope and even if you have to call crisis team for help they care. Crisis team can get you into seeing a doctor faster sometimes. You need a doctor a therapist to helpyou deal with the loss of your sister to help you deal with your pain and depression Hell no one can do this on their own It is hard even with a therapist but at least you will see you get better. Please reach out and get help you need and deserve You are so worth the fight please
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