I can't keep fighting it any more

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by asvt, Sep 9, 2007.

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  1. asvt

    asvt Well-Known Member

    My will to die has supassed my will to live and I can no longer continue living this miserable pathetic life. I have nothing no friends no social life no future not even my family cares about me. I have definately fought the will to die I have tried going back to school, I have tried college, I have tried the princes trust programme, I have seen a therapist and have even applied to join the army but have just finished the two day selection process the only reason I passed was becasue my fitness and maths test was of a high standard what let me down was my confidence. But the two days gave me an insight into what the army would be like and it is not for me. Now I am back to nothing no hope and no future. It is to late to go back to college even though theres is nothing there I actually want to do. I am now on job seekers allowance and they are going to force me in to a shitty job that I don't want to do. The town I live in is shit I mean someone was beaten to death with a crow bar the other week. I live next to punk ass drug dealers who party and get high every night and keep me awake with the noise. No one cares about me, i have no future and I can't keep fighting the will to die. All day I just think of different ways I could do it. It's not that I want to die but what do I have to live for. I mean why do you people live day in day out it's the same routine and nothing happens, why the hell do you people carry on what pushes you to keep going. Please help me.
     
  2. Poirot

    Poirot Guest

    I have the same problem so im not going to lie to you and say life is great, go and find it. One thing that has kept me going is the site showing how many people are like you and me and that we are not alone in the world. One thing I would love most, is to find someone who understood me and maybe they would help me. It all well and good talking to people on a forum, but I would love someone in real life. The one thing I suggest you do is search your life and see if there is any positives to find. The only thing keeping me going is finding someone. Although I am a loner, I DO want someone, someone who understands.
     
  3. Mathale

    Mathale Well-Known Member

    Start from scratch, i can see that its possible that your mind is hay wire at the moment. Too little is happening for you in a sense of progression and life achievement.

    its good that you applied for the army and it also proved that you have the skills to achieve. Confidence can improve over time so have some hope in yourself! Plus you have had a taste of something different - its things like that which stops you for being in an every day routine. But life will always have its routines, you will always need to eat, brush your teeth in the morning and night, go to bed, wake up, go to work, come home and relax, and then start it all again.

    We cant unfortunately escape from routine, but its questioning your own routine which will bring enlightenment. Stop and do something in life which isn't the same as everyone else. Nothing stops you trying to achieve that! Find something your good at, and train at it. I found im good at running/ jogging so i jog weekly now, one it helps relieve stress, but it doesnt beat how proud i feel about my self when i take a charity run. The support you receive by doing something good for others is over whelming.

    This world is getting worse, someone in my town was shot in the face 3 times, just because of drugs... pathetic really isn't it? But you must see yourself very lucky that your not in that type of life, where instead of you wanting to kill yourself, that someone might come round the corner and take it from you themselves!!!

    What keeps us going is happiness and living not for yourself but for others. There surely will be someone out there who likes you for who you are, if you can not find them yet, get yourself known on the chat room here, they are open armed with everyone!


    I hope my words help. :smile:

    Matt
     
  4. asvt

    asvt Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies. I just wish I had someone who understands someone to talk I tried telling my mum numerous times but she just says to "Don't be so stupid". Whats worse than no one understanding is no one wanting to understand. I have already started making plans for my demise I really can't see myself lasting more than a week or two depending on how long it takes me to sort things out.
     
  5. Poirot

    Poirot Guest

    Its horrible when no one understand you or doesnt even want to try. i have the same wants as you, just keep waiting. The hope can keep you going. Think of all the billions of people in the world, you are bound to find someone or something. im trying to believe it, you should try too. The hope is bound to die over time, but your still too young to contemplate ending it. Give it time.
     
  6. asvt

    asvt Well-Known Member

    All the people in the world there probably is someone out there for me but how do you go about finding them. In all probablitly I am likely never to meet such a person. The only thing that has kept going my entire life is thinking about all the people in the world who live and that for all these people to want to live there must be something to live for. But the hope that has pushed me all these years is now dead with no signs of return. I have lost faith in the world, in humanity and in my life. I can no longer bare the burden that is life and have to end it.
     
  7. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    :hug: I can see you're in a very bad state right now, so just take a deep breath.

    What keeps me going? Music. Find something that keeps you going, or at least one that keeps you sane.

    Could you possibly go out and find a cashier job somewhere until you find a better one? (I'm only sixteen, and that's the job I have). It would be paycheck-to-paycheck, but I think that's much better than being stuck in a shitty job you hate.

    I'm sorry if that won't work. Hang on and stay safe.
     
  8. asvt

    asvt Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't be able to work as a cashier it would be so boring and drive me insane. I used to work at a supermarket stacking shelves 3 nights a week from 6pm til 10.15pm. I was miserable there I tried to socialise with the people down there but they just all ignored and rejected me. I could of happily killed myself just to avoid going so I put up with for as long as I could and then quit. It's not that I am a lazy person I just don't have the will power to do things any more. The only thing that used to keep me going was my weight training and films i used to be so passionate about training I would eat healthy would never miss a workout but my heart is just not in it any more. I am passionate about nothing everything just makes me miserable. I just wish I had someone to physically talk to, wish I could meet one of you people because you lot understand what I am going through more than anyone.
     
  9. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that it wasn't that good of an idea. Some of the people I talk to had jobs other places, like florists, hardware stores, carnivals... etc. Those kind of jobs are everywhere.

    I wish I could meet you people too, because you all understand and you don't judge. My closest friends are quick to tell me I'm ridiculous if I tell them how often my mood swings. "It's hormones!" It's not fucking hormones. I'm not okay. Notice that.

    :hug: I'm still just a PM away.
     
  10. asvt

    asvt Well-Known Member

    I know exactly what you mean my mother just says don't be so stupid and it's a really slap in the face shes supposed to be the understanding one. But i have slowly realised that there is no one to help me and that this is it. I just can't do it anymore. i have already ordered supplies off the internet to kill myself with. It's only a matter of time now.
     
  11. asvt

    asvt Well-Known Member

    Doesn't anyone care.
     
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