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I can't keep hiding my problems

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by One Great Name, Jan 18, 2016.

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  1. Sorry, I've posted another thread similar to this one, before, this time I need more help, though. I'm mad at myself, questioning why I should live, dealing with certain moral problems and nobody in my family (still) knows anything is wrong. Everything feels hard now, I don't see many possible good things in my future. I can't help but feel I've failed in life. I'm unsure of how I can tell anyone about my struggles, I doubt (especially in the case of my moral problems) anyone would want to be around me or help if I let go of all my secrets. To be loved and supported despite my flaws would be the most wonderful thing on Earth, but such a thing seems unattainable. I feel like there's no way out. It may just be me in my personal Hell on Earth until I die. I wish I could say I was happy and everything was fixed or that nothing bad ever happened to me. I will never forgive myself for the things I've done, I'm the worst person I know. How would anyone suggest I talk to others about the things I'm going through? I just want to die or quietly slip out of existence, I have to get help before I do something regrettable.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    There's no need to apologise for posting. That is why this site exists, so feel free to talk as much as you like :)
    Talk to a professional about the highs you feel shameful of or embarrassed about, a therapist, doctor, psychiatrist or a good step is to talk to a hotline first such as the samaritans or talk to us here, we'll listen and see if there is any way we can help and assist you. I am sorry you are going through all this. It doesn't seem fair but I assure you the people here do and will care. I hope things improve for you soon and keep talking, letting it all out may help. Best of luck.
  3. Thank you, I guess it's a victory talking to people I don't know, too. I need more than that, though, I don't think anyone should or would love me anymore anymore than I do if they knew about things I've done and it makes me feel like I'm scamming people I care about. I'm afraid and it makes me keep secrets so I can still feel appreciated to a certain degree. Committing suicide now would be a heartless way to bury the secrets I hate forever and my scam for love would continue as my family wept over my grave. It would possibly be worse than anything else I've done so far, making them grieve for someone who doesn't deserve it for the rest of their lives. If things get better, I will try not to kill myself, if things don't improve, I can't guarantee I'll live much longer, but I know I have to confess things to people. How could I do that?
  4. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    Forgive yourself first. Make peace with your deeds. Then accept the consequences of your honesty. Remember the future is not dictated by the past. You will overcome.
    2 people like this.
  5. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Start with loving or at least accepting yourself flaws and all - Once you stop beating yourself up for not being perfect then it will stop feeling like everybody else is as well, or feeling certain they will and should. The next step is in determining if the "flaws" are actually flaws (as an example i have seen may claim to be flawed based on sexuality or transgender) - if they are things that should be changed (habitual lying as random example) then forget what was done in the past- aside from a sincere apology there is nothing that can be done to change the past- and simply work on being "better" in the future. While we remain responsible for our past the we can only truly live for the present and future and best anybody can do is "better" and since nothing else can be done accept for yourself that not repeating and learning from past is the most one can do so it has to be good enough and move on....
    2 people like this.
  6. jake.x.99

    jake.x.99 On Leave

    One Great Name . . . i cannot meaningfully add to the things that everyone else has already said (and for more directly and effectively than i could have said them), so i will say only this: as someone who has made some truly awful and unforgiveable mistakes that have caused horrible pain on people that i love, there is nothing more that you can do beyond owning the mistakes, taking responsibility for them, and fixing what you can fix. we are human beings and, by definition, imperfect. but every single day presents us with the opportunity to be more and better than we were yesterday. the first step is to see and accept who you truly are -- not your mistakes, but the person -- forgive yourself and take positive steps to improve where you can. you are ok, and you will be loved and even admired for being someone strong enough to own up to his mistakes and move beyond them. no one, from the greatest person to the least, goes through life without making mistakes. the distinction between the greatest and the least comes not from the character of their mistakes, but from how they respond to them. that you are here, that you recognize your mistakes, and that you are actively seeking help speaks volumes about you, and no matter how badly you might presently think of yourself, i promise you that the people who love you want you to be alive and in their lives.

    please let me know if you ever need anyone to talk to. don't give up. forgive yourself, as impossible as that might feel like right now.
  7. Okay, I'll try to forgive myself. It hurts, though, because I do feel I deserve to be hated and there is, in my eyes, a fair chance I'm going to Hell. It's going to take effort, too, because I just feel disgusting. If only it was as simple and not real a problem as my sexual orientation or being transgender. Those sorts of things were, however, what led me to make mistakes. I was questioning my sexuality and it lead me to do things I shouldn't have done. Doing said "things" (I'm trying not to be too specific) never felt good or all that appealing, it made me tired and gave me stomach aches. Now I'm 90% sure I'm asexual (look it up if you haven't heard of it) and I wish I'd just chosen to talk to my parents, look up definitions of different orientations and think about it quietly until I came to a logical conclusion. I didn't plan on being that detailed in this thread, but I figured I might as well since it could possibly help to let it out at least on the internet and I've never seen and possibly never will see the faces of the people on this site. P.S. I don't know how much we're allowed to say about sexualities and things on here, I apologize if I went over board...
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