I can't do this anymore, I have ran from it for too long - I have to die and it is time to stop running and accept it. I have been putting this off for years - stupidly thinking I could fix my problems and have a good life. I have never been so wrong. So, Tomorrow as I am going to die. I am 21 years old, I am in massive financial debt (personal and academic), I self-harm and I binge/purge. I lie, constantly. All I do anymore is sleep. Might see small but I can't fix it, and Ive tried - tried so f**king hard. I get called 10+ times a day from collectors, reminding me how useless and broke I am. I am so angry with myself all the time, for all the stupid mistakes I have made. The only reason I am still alive is because everything I've tried up to now were not fool-proof - leading me to seek help but all that has done has extended my misery and but off the undeniable truth that I have to die. I am not responsible enough to deserve a life. My partner is miserable with me and he can't admit it - he would literally be better off with out me. And, to top it all off - the ER won't even take me seriously anymore. I've been suicidal so much they just blame it on the BPD. It doesn't even matter anymore. I CHOOSE death. My choice, to die now instead of dealing with something that can't be fixed.