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I can't keep running.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by muv_ur_dolly, May 8, 2013.

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  1. muv_ur_dolly

    muv_ur_dolly Member

    I can't do this anymore, I have ran from it for too long - I have to die and it is time to stop running and accept it.

    I have been putting this off for years - stupidly thinking I could fix my problems and have a good life. I have never been so wrong. So, Tomorrow as I am going to die.

    I am 21 years old, I am in massive financial debt (personal and academic), I self-harm and I binge/purge. I lie, constantly. All I do anymore is sleep. Might see small but I can't fix it, and Ive tried - tried so f**king hard. I get called 10+ times a day from collectors, reminding me how useless and broke I am.

    I am so angry with myself all the time, for all the stupid mistakes I have made. The only reason I am still alive is because everything I've tried up to now were not fool-proof - leading me to seek help but all that has done has extended my misery and but off the undeniable truth that I have to die.

    I am not responsible enough to deserve a life. My partner is miserable with me and he can't admit it - he would literally be better off with out me.

    And, to top it all off - the ER won't even take me seriously anymore. I've been suicidal so much they just blame it on the BPD. It doesn't even matter anymore.

    I CHOOSE death. My choice, to die now instead of dealing with something that can't be fixed.
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    there are financial places that can help you with debt. I was deep in debt a few months ago, and I went to see a financial help place and they helped settle a heck of a lot and I feel so much better now...so maybe search for that.

    As for the other stuff, I think you might have a different view when the first problem is settled...death never solves any problems...even if it's really tempting...
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