I can't kill myself but I can't live like this anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ImpossibleChoice, Aug 10, 2011.

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  1. ImpossibleChoice

    ImpossibleChoice New Member

    First of all Hello! I am new here and hope to find some people in my situation.

    I'm 30 and I have a beautiful loving wife and a loving, (almost)perfect family.I am from a small country from the eastern Europe and since I married my wife(8 years ago) I have financial problems.A year ago we came in Spain at work but things just went worse.It was all good until my brother-in-law(who helped us with coming in Spain and finding a job) felt threatened by my intelligence and fearing for his job, convinced my boss to fire me.

    Now I don't have a job and hopes for finding another one are slim to none.Of course my wife feels bad because it's her brother, even that I don't/can't blame her.I hoped and hoped that the situation will improve,but now it seems I'm doomed.

    I thought for a couple of years of killing myself but i just can't.I can't be selfish enough not to think how will affect my wife,my parents and my 2 little brothers.As my username shows I am in an impossible situation with an impossible choice...

    I am very disgusted by everything and now I hate almost everyone.I know I am stupid because i should think that I have more than other people, but love sometimes it's just not enough.For example..I don't have any kids because we can't afford raising them.How would any of you feel in my situation?

    I just wish I'd never been born...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry your brotherinlaw has made life hell for you I think if you can you should move away try to find a new job in a different country even You do not need to live near a person so cruel.
  3. ImpossibleChoice

    ImpossibleChoice New Member

    We don't speak any more and we don't live in the same house.I am living now in the house where my wife is housekeeper.With my brother-in law it's history now...but I don't have any hopes to improve my situation.in these times it's hard to find a job.I have 17 years of school and I am forced to work in constructions or anything else because in my country I would be paid with something like 150euro/month and besides this I don't have experience in a similar job so...

    I have what to eat,where to stay(even if I am far from my family) but I feel that it's just not enough.I've been struggling like this for a long time and I feel that I can't anymore.I'm afraid that one day I won't think at my family anymore and I could kill myself.

    I know that the internet is full with people who are just seeking attention..I don't want attention or trying to send a message,etc i just hope that somebody out there was in my situation and can give me an advice.

    In theory i know that I should focus on the bright side of my life..but why it feels so impossible?
  4. roscho

    roscho Well-Known Member


    The problem is both simple and complex. You need to get to a region that you can thrive. In order to do that, you may need to do whatever to fund that.

    You obviously have abilities, you just need to get to a place where you can realize them. If you stay where they are unappreciated, they'll continue to be unappreciated. If you have skills though, there are places you can go where you can realize your desires.

    Staying where you are at is not a permanent solution, unless you have some ideas.
  5. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    I don't know how it works where you are at, but we have career centers and places that help you find jobs. I even think the unemployment office offers this. I don't know that anyone here would really have a good excuse for not having a job, because you can always count on the fact, that if you can't get one anywhere else, McDonald's will hire you. Yes the pay sucks, but it's still better than nothing.

    I live with my ex-husband as unpleasant as that can be sometimes, I had to give up my home from not being able to work and pay bills. He does not hold down a regular job and makes plenty of money. I have seen him come home in a day's time, with $1000 just from that day. He will buy estates, goes to yard sales on fridays and saturdays, sets up at the flea market on sundays, has a booth in an antique shop with a friend of his, he's developed the knowledge and skills to know what to buy that he can make money from, normally being what would look like junk.. Old stuff, antiques, old toys, jewelry, old signs, crocks, just so many things there he gets involved in buying and reselling.

    Maybe you'd have to settle for a job for now that you don't find as rewarding as you'd hope for. Have you had any thoughts of going to college first, and then working on a career. Any community college I have attended will let you pay back any loans after you start working. Some hospitals offer to train you for free in careers in medicine as long as you will work for them. If all else fails, you could think about joining the military. If you don't have any serious health problems, aren't currently being treated for depression with medication, and have no record of drug use, there is no reason why they wouldn't accept you.
  6. ImpossibleChoice

    ImpossibleChoice New Member

    I'm from romania...here,we have 3 degrees of school(besides kinder garden) classes 1-8 it's the first one,then 9-12(high school) and university after that(the years depend on the profile).So I made everything I could do in school,but the only reward is my diploma.It's a fked up country with few perspectives. So now I have to be satisfied working in a foreign country, side by side with people who don't know how to write...You can only imagine how this can make me feel and how sorry I am for all these years of school that seem wasted in vain

    My problem seems to be that everything I touch instantly turns into crap.Of course that being depressed doesn't help,but I can't help myself.

    Maybe I wasn't clear enough..I want an advice from someone on how should I try to focus on the bright side of my life.The rest is crap but i can't change it.I am not in a very bad financial situation(comparing to other people) but I am obsessed now by the fact that I can't afford having/raising a child.
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