I've read many posts in this section, and frankly, my problems are minuscule in comparison with everyone elses' problems. Yet, I still can't steer myself away from the black abyss, convincing myself that my death will undoubtedly eliminate all of my pain. I am bipolar, and I used to take my medication for approximately a month. However, they seemed to incur even more suicidal thoughts, so I threw them down the drain. Now, I'm on the edge of the cliff, with no way of turning back. It is as if death is a magnet, drawing me closer and closer to my demise with each passing day. In retrospect, I don't have many problems. My grades, which used to be A's, have dropped down to A-'s and B+'s, and I know longer perform well in any of my hobbies. I know that I sound like just another spoiled, attention-craving teenager, but I know that I'm not. I feel that I'm just not good enough, even though I excel in mostly everything I do. For example, even though my IQ is 152, I still stubbornly wish for the 160. Even if my IQ turned out to be 160, I would raise my bar again and repeat this cycle of misery. Also, I'm losing all of my friends due to my constantly depressive mood, leaving me nobody to talk to about my problems. I'm getting four hours of sleep each night, since I have absolutely no motivation to begin my homework until midnight. Most importantly, I think I'm butt-ugly. Some days, I possess an unnatural amount of confidence and believe that I'm the hottest person alive. On other days, like today, I can't even bear to look at myself in a mirror. I know that these mood aberrations result from my bipolar disorder, but I still cannot cope with them. When I had resided in a psych ward, a girl, upon my asking, told me that I was the hottest guy she had ever seen. Yet, this brought even more misery upon me--I was so ugly that I even generated pity among people who knew me. I know that I'm just a perfectionist who dwells in his own sorrow, but I really need help overcoming this. The only obstacle impeding my suicide is the pain factor--I'm deathly afraid of even the slightest pain. I subconsciously still yearn to live, but now, I don't know if that will be enough. By the way, I'm 15 and I am in my second year in high school.