I Can't Live This Way Anymore

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by toddthemetalgod, Jul 1, 2015.

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  1. Hello, I'm James and I've posted once before. I just can't handle life lately, everything has seemed to get endlessly worse for the past three years. In late high school I took a long time to graduate, lost all of my friends, my father died who I got along with far better than my mom, I gained weight, and now I'm debating whether I have the skills to go to college to be a computer technician. In the past year I've spent $2000 trying to get a $1800 computer of mine running (fast computers are a hobby for me) and every attempt failed. Even my computer science high school teacher couldn't figure out the issue (it's likely the motherboard, but I can't afford things not working anymore). On top of this problem lately my mom's boyfriend (who we have no choice but to live with due to poor finances) has been being a dick to the both of us. He yells at my mom threatening to move out and make her go into debt, and when I sometimes argue with my mom (which is inevitable since we have opposite personalities) he tells me that I'll never graduate college. What he doesn't know is that I've had grades in the high 80% to mid 90% average since grade five, and my recent issues are caused by depression. I can barely handle having no friends, being fat, and being a social outcast... let alone having to live with two people that make me hate my life even more.

    I'm not sure what to do anymore, I hate working because the only jobs around here are tourism jobs and nobody seems to want to hire me for sales at an electronics store (even though if they did assess people, I would probably be a top candidate because of hobby computer part and headphone/speaker knowledge). I'm not sure I can take another few days living here, let alone two years of college. I think I should just end it now, if I've learned anything in life it's that some people should have been weeded out by natural selection and I'm one of them.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi todd,

    I am really sorry to hear of your struggles, how old are you now?

    I'm in the same sort of situation, fat, few friends, no job...I can relate very well but your life can improve todd. Keeping working on it, im going back to college in september. Perhaps you should apply for another course? Please don't give up, keep fighting his battle. Good luck :)
     
  3. Thanks for the reply, I appreciate it. I think I'll do okay with computers once I get an education. I have a lot of knowledge, probably more than most people in my classes will starting the program, but for some reason I just can't put them together. I think I just suck at working with my hands, but I guess I can practice until I'm better with that aspect of computers in school.

    I'm just kind of freaked out at the moment, I've been suicidal for a while and everything just seems to constantly worsen. Sometimes I just feel like I'm going to have a breakdown.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are most welcome Todd. I'm thinking therapy may make you feel better and lift your mood a bit. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders, just a bit scared and lost. Suicide is not the answer to this. Talking it out will help, just to know someone even cares enough to engage in the conversation. Do you have anyone around that could help you? Anyone you feel you can talk to in real life?

    Please stay safe x
     
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