I hate myself to no end right now. Me and my then-girlfriend of seven months broke up after things went particularly sour, and she found someone else (we had a long distance relationship). We're still good friends, but I absolutely hate myself right now. I never realized how much I needed her. She gave so much just to make sure I was okay. And I never realized any of it. I love her to death, and always have, but she's moved on, and now I don't have anyone. She was seriously the only person I had to talk to when things were wrong. She was the best thing that ever happened to me.
And I fucking blew it. We mutually decided to break up, and I thought it would be better for both of us. I'm pretty sure she's doing okay, but I'm fucking broken. I bet she only even talks to me because she feels obligated to. I have no one to talk to. And then I also have four huge school projects due tomorrow, I have NOTHING done for any of them. I don't have any motivation. I can't even fucking think straight.
And this is all my fault. I took her for granted, and she still gave it her all, even putting her own HUGE problems aside that made mine look like nothing. I've hurt her in ways that I never meant to, and I ruined her. All because of my tendency to fuck up. All by saying the wrong thing. Acting the wrong way. And I deserve all of this pain.
I never intended to hurt her, I never wanted to, but I did. Because I'm me. And what can I do right? My life is just one huge bloodsport. One where I can't win, I always lose, yet I can't die.
I'm useless, horrible, stupid, worthless, a complete failure, disappointment, and fuck up, and I deserve to and want to die...
And I fucking blew it. We mutually decided to break up, and I thought it would be better for both of us. I'm pretty sure she's doing okay, but I'm fucking broken. I bet she only even talks to me because she feels obligated to. I have no one to talk to. And then I also have four huge school projects due tomorrow, I have NOTHING done for any of them. I don't have any motivation. I can't even fucking think straight.
And this is all my fault. I took her for granted, and she still gave it her all, even putting her own HUGE problems aside that made mine look like nothing. I've hurt her in ways that I never meant to, and I ruined her. All because of my tendency to fuck up. All by saying the wrong thing. Acting the wrong way. And I deserve all of this pain.
I never intended to hurt her, I never wanted to, but I did. Because I'm me. And what can I do right? My life is just one huge bloodsport. One where I can't win, I always lose, yet I can't die.
I'm useless, horrible, stupid, worthless, a complete failure, disappointment, and fuck up, and I deserve to and want to die...