I feel so alone at the moment. I’m filled with dread and anxiety when I wake up in the morning, knowing that I have to face another day, I just can’t bear it. I don’t want to be me. I hate who I am and my stupid existence of a life. Right now, I feel I am only living for my younger sister, because she depends on me. I don't have parents I can turn to and by this age I should be able to sort things out mysel. But I fail miserably. I don’t want to see anyone or have to go out. I feel too ashamed to say what a mess of my life I have made. It’s knowing this and the fact that things won’t improve which is pushing me closer to end my life. Having that thought is the only thing that gives me relief. I know my life isn’t going to improve. I can’t even leave the house without my heart pounding and feeling like the air is too thin. I’m scared though, of what I will have to do to kill myself. I’m scared of the final few minutes of being alive and what that might entail. I’m scared of what I will leave behind. But, I wasn’t cut out for life and each day is a misery that I just don’t think I can take any longer. It's all that is on my mind, how horrible living is and that I want out. What do you do if you've tried for years to get better and it simply isn't working?