i can't live

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Flames, Mar 1, 2010.

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  1. Flames

    Flames Member

    I feel so alone at the moment. I’m filled with dread and anxiety when I wake up in the morning, knowing that I have to face another day, I just can’t bear it. I don’t want to be me. I hate who I am and my stupid existence of a life. Right now, I feel I am only living for my younger sister, because she depends on me. I don't have parents I can turn to and by this age I should be able to sort things out mysel. But I fail miserably. I don’t want to see anyone or have to go out.

    I feel too ashamed to say what a mess of my life I have made. It’s knowing this and the fact that things won’t improve which is pushing me closer to end my life. Having that thought is the only thing that gives me relief. I know my life isn’t going to improve. I can’t even leave the house without my heart pounding and feeling like the air is too thin.

    I’m scared though, of what I will have to do to kill myself. I’m scared of the final few minutes of being alive and what that might entail. I’m scared of what I will leave behind. But, I wasn’t cut out for life and each day is a misery that I just don’t think I can take any longer. It's all that is on my mind, how horrible living is and that I want out.

    What do you do if you've tried for years to get better and it simply isn't working?
  2. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    you try the best you can to go on - been doing it for over 35 years

    sometimes it's easier, sometimes it's not

    you don't need to be lonely, there will always be people here who can keep you company

    no judgements, just folks who are/have been there who want to give you a hand and are willing to listen

    talk to us, it actually helps

    if it's something you're not comfortable about, it's ok not to talk about it - only when you're ready

    either way, keep posting - and give the chat room a try if you want

    this is a good place, use it as much as you need to
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I can relate a lot to your last question. I would say that you kep looking for different things and trying different things sometimes even the same things because different things work at different times for different people.

    Do you have any professional support at the moment? Do they know how desperate you feel?
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you feel life is so bad...I understand your pain ....I've been fighting suicidal thoughts as long as I can remember..I'm in my 50s....so there is hope....
    you mentioned that you are here for your sister.....think how she will feel if you commit suicide......
    I think Scum has a good point.....try everything you can to stay...you have someone who needs you and that is a good enough reason for trying....
    take care..
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