I can't make it another day

[The Depressed Puppy]

Everything I see... Everyhting I look at, seems to be something I can use to kill myself. I saw a cord...but I saw it as something I kill myself. It is all I can think. I see al of these items, as items I can use to kill myself. I can not stop thinking about it, I try but I can't. Now, instead of just OD, I am looking into methods that have a good chance of killing mw

 

[total eclipse]

Time then to go in and get help to stop the obsessive thoughts ok do that now use your energy to get help

 

[Petal]

I agree. Now is the time to get help before the thoughts get worse and you actually harm yourself. Have you ever tried talking to the samaritans? They are trained and great listeners, keep us updated on how you are doing please.

 

[MisterBGone]

Do you have somebody you can talk to? I hope so! You're wonderful...

 

[The Depressed Puppy]

Do you have somebody you can talk to? I hope so! You're wonderful...

No

 

[MisterBGone]

You can always talk to us! If it's that bad, professionals would be best. Can you have family bring you there to get some help? (the hospital). Otherwise you could call them to come get you... It's what they get paid to do - help people like us out when we're in trouble. There's nothing to be scared of when you're in this serious a situation. I've been there before (the hospital)...& if I hadn't, I don't know if I'd be here now!

 

[The Depressed Puppy]

I really don't want parents to know, especially my dad. I know he'll react badly when he hears about it. I'll
tell you guys stuff, but I don't want to tell anyone & I really don't want to go to a hospital.

Yes, it is getting really bad,& I'm becoming obsessive with the suicidal thoughts,& they everything I see, could be used a suicide.

 

[MisterBGone]

What's been bothering you the most lately?

 

[demuredawn]

Hello Depressed Puppy,

After I read this post, I took some time to read some of your past posts as well... a few things I want to address with/ask you:

First of all ... from all I have read, you seem to really have a caring heart, and I do not see how the loss of another caring heart would benefit anyone... yourself included. Why do I include you in that? Because quite honestly, most times you will find that by giving care to others and/or helping others, you will receive care and/or help in the times you most need it. Not always no, and sometimes that makes it all seem futile... but it happens a lot more frequent than if you did not have the caring heart.

Next, I saw in a post dated last year that you said you were 16, so I'm not sure if you are 16 or 17 now... but I remember both those ages being very trying times for me emotionally. Yes, I know that what you are going through is more than just simple maturity and adolescent troubles... but what you are going through is compounded by the maturing process too. Does that mean that you should not reach out for help? NO!! It means the opposite... it means that you should reach out for the help even more because you are having what I refer to as a "double whammy" ... meaning you are being hit by troubles that pretty much all of us go through around your age, but also you seem to be suffering from some mental/emotional/psychological problems as well... that can be a very bad mix that can end up spiraling really quickly. Please seek out help... and not just here, but there in your life too. I know you say you do not want help, but I think that at your core level, you still want to survive. That's good. Hang on to that... and fight for it. Even if it means telling some people, or others maybe finding out... you can make it through those things once you get yourself stable again.

Next, you say you have no trusted teachers and that you don't want to tell you parents. Tell me, is there a reason you do not want your parents to know? Do you think they will make it somehow worse for you? Why can you not trust any of your teachers? What about a guidance counselor? Can you talk to him/her? Or a friend's parents? The point is, you need to get yourself some kind of support system going... because even though I can see that you are stronger than you believe yourself to be, I think that eventually you will run very low on energy and probably will need some help carrying yourself through... nothing wrong in that, we all have to do that from time to time... seek out support from others.

Finally, you seem to be scared or leery of the hospital and/or doctors... what is the reason for that, or am I misinterpreting and you are comfortable with doctors and the hospital?

If you do not feel comfortable talking here, you can feel free to inbox me.... I check my inbox more frequent than I post on the forums anymore honestly... but I will try to keep tabs on this thread. I really do hope you are ok and that you will seek out help and/or support.

 

[The Depressed Puppy]

So many things are happening right now, nothing good is happening. It is getting really overwhelming...I do not know how much longer I can hold, I have nothing to live for, I have no hope. I feel so hopeless, & I feel really worthless.

I do not want my dad to know he can be... rude to me. Really rude.

I will admit, I don't really want to get help,I don't want to tell anyone.

 

[The Depressed Puppy]

I can't stop thinking about it, it's all I can think about

I literally almost start crying in school.

 

[MisterBGone]

Hey, that's okay, The Depressed Puppy... It's okay! We all get trapped in these desperate moments, and they're not much fun. So don't feel badly! I really think you're going to have to go and ask for help. I know you don't want to. I understand. But it's the best way to make this pain go away, and find some relief, TRUST ME. I bet your Dad would agree with me too (if he only knew what you're going through!)... Feel free to disclose anything you'd like to us here. Doctors can give you medications to feel better: both temporarily & in the longer run of things. So please, don't be so quick to dismiss it. Here's some inside information from a professional depressive--our disease (depression) doesn't want us to get better. It will lie to us and play tricks on our mind in order to stick around. Please try to talk to somebody that means something to you. And hopeful that best friend of yours has stopped acting like a "plastic!" (sorry, don't mean to be mean) Your Friend, MisterBGone

 

[mark b]

Hey puppy, im pretty good at being a dad to lots of people, young and not so young.

I dont get angry or judge or dictate.

I i listen, try to rationilise and suggest some options.

Try me please.

 

[The Depressed Puppy]

For one, my friend. Then my sister yells at me for everything, she is really rude to me. Thinks she is so much better then me. My dad keep nagging me, & thinks I am gooing to break everything.People are bullying me, at school.

I am extremely depressed right now, & I am really suicidal. I really want to give up.

 

[mark b]

ok.....

sisters do argue and fight. but mostly its not meant as anything more than just what goes on.

dads sometimes are not too good at expressing their concerns over what they are trying to look after. and that can be theur family or posessions.

i know that sounds an easy and simplistic answer. but i also know how hard it can be from your viewpoint. please try and see both sides if you possibly can.

bullying is wrong. you do need to tell the teacher you like and can trust most.

we will get there with you puppy.

 

[MisterBGone]

Keep Posting The Depressed Puppy

 

[The Depressed Puppy]

I really wish I could take my life right now, & I don;t see the point in living at all. I feel really worthless.

 

[MisterBGone]

Is there any other adult you can talk to about this? They can help you get the help you need. A teacher? A coach? A friend, relative, or neighbor? You can't do it alone! Ask me how I know? I've tried. It didn't work...

 

[MisterBGone]

The Depressed Puppy: I am going to tell you a story... When I was in high school three students took their lives in four years. Now, the one thing I can tell you, is that had they lived, I can absolutely guarantee that they would have made a different decision. This is something that came to me relatively quickly later on (not necessarily at the time). As in, college! And then, after college, and so on & so forth... My point is, that you do grow and change and things get to be much better in the future. You see, I can say this, having been where you now are. You may feel like this is as good as it gets in your teens--but I can tell you, soon your interests and surroundings and friends will all change. You go off to college and many people change their majors multiple times. Now, why is that? Yes, it's partly because they've changed their minds, but it also has a lot to do with their own growth and development as human beings. The only thing I can promise you is that nothing will look like it does today, tomorrow. And I've always known, that had they had that opportunity to make it through in high school, they'd have agreed with me through infinity. It's impossible for you to see, but trust me, this isn't the end... It's just the beginning! I believe in you.

 

[The Depressed Puppy]

The Depressed Puppy: I am going to tell you a story... When I was in high school three students took their lives in four years. Now, the one thing I can tell you, is that had they lived, I can absolutely guarantee that they would have made a different decision. This is something that came to me relatively quickly later on (not necessarily at the time). As in, college! And then, after college, and so on & so forth... My point is, that you do grow and change and things get to be much better in the future. You see, I can say this, having been where you now are. You may feel like this is as good as it gets in your teens--but I can tell you, soon your interests and surroundings and friends will all change. You go off to college and many people change their majors multiple times. Now, why is that? Yes, it's partly because they've changed their minds, but it also has a lot to do with their own growth and development as human beings. The only thing I can promise you is that nothing will look like it does today, tomorrow. And I've always known, that had they had that opportunity to make it through in high school, they'd have agreed with me through infinity. It's impossible for you to see, but trust me, this isn't the end... It's just the beginning! I believe in you.

When they did take there life,what was there reaction? How did the students, & teacher react? Did they care?