I can't make it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LosingMyGrip, Jun 17, 2008.

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  1. LosingMyGrip

    LosingMyGrip Member

    I just can't. Today was worse than yesterday, which was worse than the day before, and on and on. My psych wants me to go to the hospital, but he basically wants me to go to the ER and announce that I'm depressed. Well, I did that once before and it was the WORST EXPERIENCE EVER! I won't go into all of the details here, but it has left me very scared of what would happen if I got to this place again...and here I am. I also realized today that b/c of what happpened that other time, I don't really completely trust my psych. Oh brother!

    So, now I'm a total train wreck and I can't even trust the one person out there who seems to be trying to help me. I almost told him about this this morning, but I just couldn't do it.

    I wrote out a will today, and now I'm just trying to find a time and place. Nothing's ever going to really change for me (I have a recurrent illness that keeps f*cking up my life), and I'm ready to be done. It's been 14 years of off and on Hell, and the off times really haven't been great, just status quo.

    I'm sorry to go on and on, but I guess I wanted to get some thoughts out to someone before I do the deed. Thanks for listening.

    :help::help: :cry::cry2: :cry::cry2: :depressed:depressed:depressed
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You will find the people here at the forum are on your side but nobody wants to see you harm yourself. Life sucks that is why we take it one day at a time.
    Being in the hospital isn't that bad. Sure you have restrictions. They are there to keep you from harming yourself or others. There are some real characters in there. They are always trying to get you to smile or they go the other direction and want to f--- you up more than you already are.
    I didn't mind being in there because I felt safe from myself. When you are in the ER who cares what those people think. You are there for yourself. They can take a flying leap.
    Please stop and think this thru. There is so much of this world to see. If you commit you will never get to see any of it. So please don't harm yourself, Remember we are here for you...:chopper:
  3. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Have you talk to your doc about other options? Regular hospitals, in my experience, have little to offer mental health patients. It's pretty much detention until you say you're safe. There are better places to go, if you can find them. The place I admitted myself to was an arm of a good hospital in central Oregon, staffed by professional therapists. They're only human, and as such aren't perfect. But they do want to help us find ways to deal with our lives.

    Keep looking for options.
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