I can't make sense

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Things, Aug 20, 2010.

  1. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    I can't figure out my thoughts. It's becoming more and more difficult to communicate. I can't figure out how to make my words make sense. I try to avoid talking because I can't even understand myself, but when I need to talk my mind's doing cartwheels and I just can't do anything. The idea and the gist of what I want to say is there, but I can't put it to words.

    My mom wants me to talk to her when I'm hurt, but I can't even fucking speak so I don't try. I can barely vent on here because I can't make sense. I still can't get help. I'm back to square one.

    I never think about it, maybe my autism is causing it. I don't want to be the kind of person that blames everything on their autism. Hell, I made a rant about people who want to cure it. I didn't want to be cured because that would change who I am, but I fucking hate myself anyway so I don't know what I want...

    Shit...it hurts, I can't think right, I can't talk right, I don't know what to do. I'm stuck.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you need help with your autism just as a diabetic need help to control the symptoms with it . you need help to keep your autism under control to keep you stable don't fight it okay everyone needs help everyone if they say they don't they are lying.
  3. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    I know I need help, but it's always out of my reach. My mom keeps saying we'll get me help, that she'll call this place tomorrow or next week or what ever, but it never happens. I'm always back to square one. It's not just me either. All these promises on how things will get better, but it's still the same. I'm losing hope. I try not get my hopes up, I tell myself it's not going to change, but somehow, I'm disappointed when I'm right even though I saw it coming.

    Now she says that she'll call this autistic youth group next week...I doubt it....nothing will change...it just never does.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    ask her for number of this group and you call and findout when meetings are
    then let her know okay better yet call your hospital t hey will have some information as well on some groups orhelp around you
  5. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    I'll try asking for the number when she wakes up...I can already see how the conversation will go:

    "I want the phone number for the youth group".

    "But I'm going to call them".

    "*stutters* B-b-but-"

    "Don't worry, I'll call them".

    And then nothing will change. Again, Just like always.

    I don't have a hospital. I don't have a doctor. I don't get any help...

    I'm sorry Violet, I'm just too sick to be positive right now.