I can't possibly feel any worse.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by livodaz, Jun 27, 2013.

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  1. livodaz

    livodaz New Member

    They say once you hit rock bottom its only but up from there.

    Not for me lately all I can think about is ending the pain I'm going through and there is only one option I can see to do that.
    I don't have anyone to talk to the one person I did I missed our relationship up so bad she hates my guts.

    I feel responsible for my fathers death I knew he was taking drugs when I was younger my grandparents would ask because they had there suspicions but I'd always deny it for him thinking I was protecting him. the drugs he took eventually killed him and I know if I had just said something he could still be here.

    I've pushed the only people that care about me to the extent that we have no contact much anymore.
    I treated my ex a girl that I love so much even today so far she wanted to kill herself and everyday I wake up I see what I did and hate myself more.
    I go to sleep at night hoping I wont wake up because I know its just another day of pain I'm going to feel.

    I attempted to take my own life a couple months ago and I plan on doing so again.
    I left my house yesterday <edit:methods>. I never get passed the last hurdle and can actually do it.
    every part of me wants to and I'm eventually going to do it.

    Thank you for listening if you actually read this.
    Sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes I don't really have the best grammar.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 27, 2013
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...about your father: you were the child and not responsible for his behavior...I am sorry for your loss and equally sorry for the burden you have placed on yourself...about repeating behaviors that are non-productive-maybe there is a therapist/counselor you can talk to so that you can resolve the issues that underlie these actions...it is always worth investigating...welcome again and please continue to post and let us know how you are doing
  3. MikeTRobot

    MikeTRobot Active Member

    I think if you can't go through with it, some part of you wants to keep going. My ex hates me too, and it sucks but women come and go, but if you got one before you can do it. The next time be more careful and learn from you mistakes. I highly doubt your father would want you beating up yourself over things, I'm sure he loved you and wants you to be happy and move on. I think you should keep going man, there is so much time to change the path your on.
  4. Abanana

    Abanana Member

    Dude, I feel you. I'm a failure with no friends and a crappy job and no money.

    If I knew how, I would.
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