They say once you hit rock bottom its only but up from there. Not for me lately all I can think about is ending the pain I'm going through and there is only one option I can see to do that. I don't have anyone to talk to the one person I did I missed our relationship up so bad she hates my guts. I feel responsible for my fathers death I knew he was taking drugs when I was younger my grandparents would ask because they had there suspicions but I'd always deny it for him thinking I was protecting him. the drugs he took eventually killed him and I know if I had just said something he could still be here. I've pushed the only people that care about me to the extent that we have no contact much anymore. I treated my ex a girl that I love so much even today so far she wanted to kill herself and everyday I wake up I see what I did and hate myself more. I go to sleep at night hoping I wont wake up because I know its just another day of pain I'm going to feel. I attempted to take my own life a couple months ago and I plan on doing so again. I left my house yesterday <edit:methods>. I never get passed the last hurdle and can actually do it. every part of me wants to and I'm eventually going to do it. Thank you for listening if you actually read this. Sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes I don't really have the best grammar.