I can't even explain how I am feeling. Just so filled with hate, revenge, and sadness. I want to end this right now, I feel so terrible I am choking, Crying for the first time in 5 years. I can't even breathe. Nothing has triggered it, nothing today has made me feel like this. There is no reason I should be feeling like this. I sit here with three options going through my mind: to sit here, listen to happy music and watch videos and pictures of when I was younger, and happy, to post pone this feeling another day. To pick up the knife, and test if some one will find me in time. Or to pick up the box of pills and put an end to it once and for all. I have nothing in this life. I don't really know why I am writing this. I guess I am just trying to make sense of how I feel, maybe writting it down would help, but I guess not. I have tried to drown this feeling with alcohol, and drugs. But nothing can hide the fact that I clearly can't cope like every one else. Why am I weaker then every one else I meet? I can't put this fucking act on any more, I can't be the funny guy, the comedian, I can't smile. I feel like I am at the lowest point in my life. And I am only 18. I don't know how the hell people can make it past 20. But I don't plan too. Sorry for wasting your time.