Damn my cursed life. I cant sleep, I dont want to sleep, I just dont want to wake up to nothing anymore. I havent had a decent sleep in so long, I can't even remember. I have nothing to wake up to, no reason. It's so pointless. I wish someone would knock me out so I could go in a coma and get some sleep without having to wait til I die out. The last time I posted here, I ended on a positive note but.. it seems my feelings of hatred and despair always break through. I went on my facebook to accept some random requests and when I just looked on my home page, in the 'friends' box the little thumbnail of the girl of senior year high school love was just there. I tried to ignore it but it just sat there staring at me. I had this urge to click on it so i did. And fuck my life, she is unbelievably gorgeous and so damn beautiful; it hurts so much to know I had a chance with that but fucked it all up. Like you dont even know how beautiful she is.. she looks like Kim Kardashian but just a perfected version of her, its not even possible. I could show you people if you wanted to see. Now I just want to disappear off the face of this planet. This feeling, I tremble right now typing, I cant explain it. Ever since the day I messed up my chance I have been living each day like Im already dead. I sometimes wish I would get in some accident, some crazy thing would happen to me and I would end up dead. I would end up as that guy who died that certain way and have some sympathy for my existance. Gosh it hurts, I remember telling myself to let it all go and posting here before about getting over the past. This regret seems like forever though. I need a little more help, I cant handle it alone... I need a real hand to pick me up. Knock me out it would feel so good.