I Can't Sleep.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Angelo_91, Nov 2, 2009.

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  1. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Damn my cursed life. I cant sleep, I dont want to sleep, I just dont want to wake up to nothing anymore. I havent had a decent sleep in so long, I can't even remember. I have nothing to wake up to, no reason. It's so pointless. I wish someone would knock me out so I could go in a coma and get some sleep without having to wait til I die out. The last time I posted here, I ended on a positive note but.. it seems my feelings of hatred and despair always break through. I went on my facebook to accept some random requests and when I just looked on my home page, in the 'friends' box the little thumbnail of the girl of senior year high school love was just there. I tried to ignore it but it just sat there staring at me. I had this urge to click on it so i did. And fuck my life, she is unbelievably gorgeous and so damn beautiful; it hurts so much to know I had a chance with that but fucked it all up. Like you dont even know how beautiful she is.. she looks like Kim Kardashian but just a perfected version of her, its not even possible. I could show you people if you wanted to see.

    Now I just want to disappear off the face of this planet. This feeling, I tremble right now typing, I cant explain it. Ever since the day I messed up my chance I have been living each day like Im already dead. I sometimes wish I would get in some accident, some crazy thing would happen to me and I would end up dead. I would end up as that guy who died that certain way and have some sympathy for my existance. Gosh it hurts, I remember telling myself to let it all go and posting here before about getting over the past. This regret seems like forever though. I need a little more help, I cant handle it alone... I need a real hand to pick me up.

    Knock me out it would feel so good. :(
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    These kinds of surprises are hard and I'm glad you came here to post. It's real important to post here whenever you experience something like this. I've loved and lost and I remember there where times that I had no idea how I would carry on. Sometimes there were not words or thoughts for what I was feeling and I just had to cry it out. Sometimes crying it out more than once.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please remember I care about you.

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