i cant speak

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by skullkid, Mar 3, 2016.

  1. skullkid

    skullkid Member

    so i had a lot of nightmares when i was young and i specifically remember one that repeated in different locations. but basically it always was that i was with a group of people (family, sometimes friends, school) but i had a snake-shape monster with a really scary face that i dont remember anymore around my body and i wasnt unable to speak, i remember trying to scream.. eventually i suffocate and noone realises.

    back then it just scared the shit outta me but i never thought it would have a meaning. well, i never realised but it's obvious. now i started to see that i cant speak. most of the time, im thinking exactly what i want to say but i cant say it. i'm thinking of this thing that i should do, those apologies i have to give... but im paralyzed. life starts to seem to get better and it scares me a lot. im scared to fail. im scared i try my best and fail. fuck, i may even be scared of succeeding. i dont know imdumicantenglix
  2. skullkid

    skullkid Member

    *i wasnt able to speak

    y no edit:(
  3. Inspire&Inquire

    Inspire&Inquire SF Supporter

    You seem to suffer from an intense aversion to failure, it seems like you beat yourself up over little things, little imperfections, you allow yourself to feel shame for things that probably wouldn't bother most people. You don't seem to forgive yourself easily. humor and love for you is a good way to overcome this I found, be honest and generous with yourself.
    skullkid likes this.
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    That dream sounds so scary! And I do think it might have something to do with what you describe.

    Being scared of failing can paralyze you, and I'm sorry you have that fear so strong. Is there anyone you can talk to at all? Someone a bit 'safe'. I think you need to practice with someone who is going to listen to you no matter what.

    When I was younger I developed a bit of a stutter because of bullying, some of the things I did to get better was taking acting classes, this especially helped me when talking to people in more professional way (like exams etc) because I learned to get into a character. Another thing I did, and still do was talking to myself when I'm alone, or have conversations with my mother's pets. That sounds absolutely nuts I know, but it helped me... I never got any 'proper' professional help for the stutter and a bit of it is still there... but now talking to others is a lot more easy.
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  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Just sending some much needed hugs your way ((hugs)) I am sorry you had such a dreadful experience, that cannot have been easy at all but you must remember you got through it, well done. Keep us updated on how you are feeling because believe it or not we do care. :) Hope you are having a nice day.
    skullkid likes this.
  6. some_random_name

    some_random_name Well-Known Member

    I'm afraid of just about everything.
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  7. skullkid

    skullkid Member

    thanks for the replies :p actually all i remember is the dream, not the suffering so im ok. most of the time im afraid but i don't care but at some point i just fall apart, wondering if there actually is a chance of this feeling to go away and thinking that i will be like this my whole life... these days i really found confort making others think im okey and faking it really well, as i have noone to really talk sincerely to. i would make my family sad if i did and im not so close to any of my friends to do. anyway, i'm doing good lately, i hope you are too :)
    some_random_name likes this.