I can't stand it anymore, it's too much pressure

[aniani]

I'm studying medicine but thanks to me being stupid I didn't wake up in time and missed a VERY important exam.
Now I'm going to fail the subject thanks to that, and I still have half the semester to go.
I feel like it's pointless to keep studyiing, I don't wanna continue studying, but I feel the pressure of everyone in family because ever since I got into meedschool my name was deleted from their vocabulary and they just call me "doctor".

I can't quit medschool because it'd be disappoiting them, yet I'm not happy at all. My life is empty and without friends, I'm studying a career I don't feel like I love it and the pressure of my whole family is crushing me.
I just want to end it all so I don't have to go throught this.

 

[IntoTheWoods]

Hi, it sorry to hear you are having such a hard time right now. I think mostly parents want the very best for us but get it wrong when they think a), b), c) will achieve this for us. I have young kids and I know as a mum I have watched them grow and do want them to be happy, I think sometimes parents are misguided in thinking this equates to them appearing to be successful through academic achievement.

It sounds like your parents are very proud that you are at med school, but that they have no idea how much pressure this is putting you under.

I can imagine that is feels really horrible that you have overslept and missed an exam. I am not sure whether you have seen a doctor about how you are feeling? Nothing is worth putting you under the pressure you seem to be experiencing now - is there a doctor or counsellor at your University / school / college that you can see to talk about how you feel? Maybe someone who could support you in sharing with your parents how you feel?

I was doing an MSc and deferred because I was struggling, I picked it up again last year and it was so so hard for me to concentrate. I kept clinging on in the hope that I could crack it and although I managed one of my assignments, I missed the deadline for the next one. I was so worried about getting thrown of the course, of my employer being cross with me (they were funding it) but actually when I opened up honestly with my tutor, they were great and we agreed a further deferrment.

You are you, we are not defined in life by what job we have, how much money we have, how we make others feel - others may judge us by that, but we are who we are inside and that can be something much greater than any job or possession.

Hang in there, I so know that "I can't stand it anymore" stuff.
I know how overwhelming stuff can feel at times and how hopeless life can seem, but these feelings do pass, honest they do.

Take care - keep posting here if it helps. Soup :hug:

 

[Mr Stewart]

Welcome to the forum aniani. :hiya:

I know the feeling. Being skilled at something you don't really derive any pleasure from. Feeling incredible pressure from family to follow through and succeed with your schooling and career to the highest possible level no matter how hard it is for you to actually do that. In my case I was an art student. My family weren't thrilled about that choice at first, but later gained enthusiasm (far too much) when it became clear that I was very good at it. Suddenly there was an expectation for me to go make movies and work for major animation studios and be rich. When I graduated this pressure became unbearable. It was too much. It felt unfair. Why was it okay for other family members to have regular low stress jobs but I was now held to a different standard?

I took a part-time job in an unrelated field after finishing school, with the implied intention that I would start freelancing and move into that full-time after a few months. I couldn't do that either. Freelancing too much stress, does not play well with my anxiety/depression/social problems, I am no business man. I would eventually (mostly) quit taking freelance jobs and upped my hours at the part-time jobby job to compensate. My family was disappointed. To hell with them, I said. They have no idea what that kind of pressure feels like. No one ever got frustrated with them for not being a celebrity or not making millions of dollars.

What I'm trying to say is that you have to find your own path no matter what your family has to say about it. They will come to accept your choices eventually. You are not obligated to turn yourself into a nervous wreck in order to fulfill their wishes of you. This is your life, not there's. My advice is to think about your schooling, decide whether this is really something you want to do for you. Do you want to be a doctor? If not, there are plenty of other easier, slightly lower paying jobs in that field with much less stress, much less competition, much better hours. Give it a think. :hug:

 

[aniani]

Thank you so much to both of you for trying to help me. I tried to get it off my mind for a while but I couldn't, and I believe I'm just getting worse.

I don't eat well, I can't study, I don't sleep well, I can't focus at class and I've started to become more quiet everywhere.
Mymom thinks I'm joking when I say I feel stressed or pressured.
I just want to find a way for my parents to notice I'm not okay. I want help.

I truly, honestly want help.

 

[IntoTheWoods]

You can always post on here, but there are people that you can go to see who can help you. It sounds like you may be suffering symptoms beyond that of just feeling pressured, please make an appointment to see your doctor, a counselloror therapist, I am sure they will be able to help you. You do not have to live your life like this, there is a better way and I am sure with help you will be able to find it.

For me when I get so down, it is hard to see the way out and sometimes we need someone to help us with that. I still get bad days, but seeing my therapists has been a real life line, I have learned so much about myself and how to take control of my life rather than just tring to please other people all the time.

Always when I was running around after others, there was this voice in my head that said "But what about me" - I am learning to listen to that voice and putting myself first and doing what I want rather than what is expected of me.

It is hard to take that first step forward in doing something different, but when you do the results can be amazing.

Take care - Soup

:handinhand: