My life is under constant pressure. I have too many if... If I don't do well enough in school I'll be kicked out. If I don't find a job within 2 months I will have no money to live on. If I'm kicked out of school I cannot stay in this country. If I cannot stay in this country I have to go back home and there's no future for me. Going back is my nightmare. And... I tried my best, really. I study as hard as I can, doing homework every day and going to classes. I still have not good enough grades. I try to work well, but I always do something wrong. My boss doesn't blame me for that, but I feel he made mistake by hiring me. Maybe I'm not good enough for graduate school and for my job? It seems no matter how hard I try I'm still not good enough. My troubles have no end. I had problems with health, the most important person in the world left me. All the time I feel that the life I live is not mine. It's like trying to wear shoes of a wrong size. It doesn't fit me. But I have no other choice. And first time in my life, in 23, I started to think about suicide as of solution.