I can't stand it, I tried so hard.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Right U R Ken, May 28, 2009.

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  1. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    I tried so damn hard I didn't want to come back here. Maybe I should find a methods forum. I don't really need to though, I know a good one. Maybe it's time to buy the items I need.

    I was happy. I just bought a house. Got a great deal on it. But without her it doesn't mean anything. It's just an empty shell. She was my hope.

    And I'm sick of telling people how much it hurts to be alone. They always just brush it off and act like I'm going to meet someone tomorrow. Fucking jerks. That doesn't happen to me. I've being alone for YEARS More years then some people posting here have been alive. I can't stand the lonliness NOW. It's fucking killing me. And it doesn't matter. I don't just randomly want to meet someone, I want HER.

    Why can't I just die. No, really, Why? Other people with so much to live for just suddenly die by accident. Why can't someone who doesn't want to be here anymore have that happen? I get so frustrated that I can't do it. God won't have any mercy and make my life better, can't he have mercy and end this misery?

    And why does she keep hurting me? We met here. She knows I get this way. But only when something bad happens. She gets this way too so of all people I would think she would know better. I hurt her feelings sometimes too but it's always by accident.

    Why is my life like this? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?!?!
    Last edited by a moderator: May 28, 2009
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    It's interesting! I came here looking for methods and found what I feel is a wonderful forum. I hope the fact that you came back means you're willing to stay awhile and give it more time.

    I would never give you any advice on relationships as I've not had much success there, but if you want to talk, you can pm me any time.

  3. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    This is exactly what I don't want to hear anymore. I've given it time. Many many years. I'm sick of it. I only came back here as this is a place to write things down. Let it out. But things don't get better for me with time. So hopefully I can go soon.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I wish I had the answers, or could at least say something that would help. I just wanted you to know that I read your post ... that you're being heard.

    If you ever want to vent, or just talk, you can PM me.
  5. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Well you and I are in similar boats. We both lost our ladies, our loves. I am not going to sit here and tell yout it's going to be perfect again one day, heck I am no where near that point, but let's you and I, try and get thru each day.

    Do you have any kids?
  6. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    No kids, never been married, nothing.

    I can't believe it's just been earlier today that I made this post. I was able to go about my daily business as I usually can but at night it becomes difficult. I've just been staring at SF forum for along while. There's some level of comfort in the idea that there are other people in the same situation or actually much worse situations which I try to use to stop feeling sorry for myself. Sadly it never seems to work. So here I sit wishing I was just "gone".
  7. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    How old are you?
  8. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    I'm quoting and responding to myself because I'm have this exact same thought right now at this moment. Honestly I can't believe it sometimes. Year, after year, after year of loneliness and emptyness. WHY?!? So many jerks are never lonely. So many women come here because of those jerks. While here I am. I would never intentionally hurt a woman I cared about. Never.
  9. Soda

    Soda Account Closed

    I'm sure countless people are out there, who want to die, but fear death. I think there may be a lot of people like that in the forums.

    So many people just don't seem to realise that, when people say their lives won't get any better, the person who says that is the person who is living their life and understand it the most. When people say that their lifes are bad and won't improve, then maybe it's true. I think I've said this many times, but I'll say it again: we must accept reality. Sure, miracles happen, but not to everybody. Not even close.

    I understand what u mean. I understand that things never get better, even though I'm not suffering as bad as you. (For my case, you couldn't even call it suffering. It's called boredom) But most of the people like us are too scared to commit suicide. This fear forces us to live longer, and feel this pain longer. And it also really stresses you out.

    <Mod Edit: Abacus21 - encouraging suicide>
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 2, 2009
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    My exfiance' got married three months after we broke up.. Just shows you how shallow some people are..This guy she married is old enough to be her father..I know you don't want to hear this but you will get past this.. There is no time limit on when it will happen.. Me I went from greif to anger and that was all I needed to get over mine..You have to find what works for you..Granted it made me afraid to be around people and a relationship again is out of the question. Hell I am to old now to try and form a relationship again..Keep fighting the thoughts and you will eventually find someone else.. I know right now you don't beleive that but it will happen..
  11. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    I don't want to. I'm tired of the endless cycle. Right now I'm just going thru the daily motions hoping something will happen by accident. But if I get bad enough I'm sure I can go on my own.
  12. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    Have you tried the standard measures to get better? Therapy, medication, meditation, life changes, etc, etc? Maybe if you tell us a little more about what you have tried we can give suggestions that may help some :) :hugs:
  13. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Women. I have just as much luck in that department. But I been there. I know that kind of pain. However, it doesn't last.
  14. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    I'm not looking for suggestions.There's nothing anyone here can think of that I haven't thought of and tried many years ago, and tried more than once. That's what I mean by "Endless cycle" and "I tried so hard"

    I mostly here to vent and there is some level of comfort being among like minded persons. No one wants to die 100 percent alone. No one here is with me but there's that thought that I wouldn't be entirely alone if I go.
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