I tried so damn hard I didn't want to come back here. Maybe I should find a methods forum. I don't really need to though, I know a good one. Maybe it's time to buy the items I need. I was happy. I just bought a house. Got a great deal on it. But without her it doesn't mean anything. It's just an empty shell. She was my hope. And I'm sick of telling people how much it hurts to be alone. They always just brush it off and act like I'm going to meet someone tomorrow. Fucking jerks. That doesn't happen to me. I've being alone for YEARS More years then some people posting here have been alive. I can't stand the lonliness NOW. It's fucking killing me. And it doesn't matter. I don't just randomly want to meet someone, I want HER. Why can't I just die. No, really, Why? Other people with so much to live for just suddenly die by accident. Why can't someone who doesn't want to be here anymore have that happen? I get so frustrated that I can't do it. God won't have any mercy and make my life better, can't he have mercy and end this misery? And why does she keep hurting me? We met here. She knows I get this way. But only when something bad happens. She gets this way too so of all people I would think she would know better. I hurt her feelings sometimes too but it's always by accident. Why is my life like this? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?!?!