I can't stand it.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by KingELITE, Jul 10, 2013.

  1. KingELITE

    KingELITE Member

    I am so sick of my father's verbal abuse (I am 21) I just can't take anymore. I really want to move out of the house to be honest. I can't stand it anymore having to take care of his damn house and still get treated like trash while he thinks he can do nothing wrong yet he never realized how close he was to losing his family from the dumb stuff he did throughout the years.

    That's my short rant :(.
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Hi. I'm sorry to hear that your father is verbally abusive. It sounds like you know the right step to take (move out). Put a plan in place to find an alternative living situation (either a place on your own, or a roommate situation). Once you have a solid plan, it may be a little easier to put up with his abuse while you put your plan into action.
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Sorry to hear about how your dad treats you, but you are better off without him in your life. My family treats me the same way and I just stopped listening and doing things for myself.
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am so sorry to hear that your father has been verbally abusive. Words can be so damaging. So toxic. So harmful. I agree with pickwithaustin. A plan. To go to something that is healthier. I think its great that you are deciding to not allow yourself to be abused anymore. No one should be abused. And verbal abuse errodes people. Its serious stuff.

    Do you know the first step you can take?
  5. LostInMyDaydreams

    LostInMyDaydreams Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear about your struggling. You need to do what's best for you right now. Try saving up money so you can move out.
    Nobody should be around that constantly. It'll just keep draining you dry, and it'll take a toll on you.
  6. KingELITE

    KingELITE Member

    Hi all. Sorry I haven't posted here since July. Yes, I am just now saving up money so I can leave. It's not much but I am in a bit more better spot financially then I was then, not enough to leave now but I'm getting there. I hope within the next year, by early 2015 I can have enough I can just pick up and go. I know how I want to do it.... it's just a matter of holding up until then. And when you have a verbal abusive parent, 365 days goes from not a lot of time to a eternity no matter how well planned out it is. It's causing me to make some mistakes in life now that's screwing me up a bit.

    How should I do it when I move out? Should I cut all ties with him outright or let him contact me if he's willing to shape up (but I won't let him dictate terms to me naturally).
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOU set the boundaries ok get a new phone number don't tell him where you are moving and let him know you will not be taking anymore of his verbal abuse Perhaps cutting ties with him completely may be necessary if he cannot change
  8. KingELITE

    KingELITE Member

    That might help. I'm just scared when it comes time to move. I'm just worried how it will work out since I don't know to many people outside of my state and I don't want anything to fall though and have me end up on the streets.
  9. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi. I think you should do it just the way it feels best for you. Take care ofyourself. If that means not cutting him off entirely, then do that. When I left my abusive mothers home I did not cut off ties right then. There were times when I just could not take it anymore and I did not call her or take her calls.

    Are you in counseling? I do hope you have some kind of support system. If he drinks perhaps you could go to al-anon meetings. It helps so much to have a support system. And if you were in al-anon, it would not matter where you moved. Because you would always have people to whom you could turn. They tend to be a very tight community of people. And they are worldwide. I joined al-anon years after I left my mothers house. So you do not have to be currently living with an alcoholic. The person does not even currently have to be drinking. Just putting that out there because so often this abuse goes along with drinking problems.

    I am glad you are not feeling stuck anymore. That you have a partial exit plan.. to leave home. Saving up money. Hope you will keep posting here... if you want.
  10. KingELITE

    KingELITE Member

    No, he doesn't drink. He's controlling though. He has that attitude that he wants to help, but "Me,Me,Me,me!" first and if that means he's a class A jerk and is verbally abusive, so be it. "I won't help you if you don't do what I say" is his favorite tactic. I'm at the stage that I'm able to turn the tables on him, but I hate doing this for several reasons. One, I know I know, it's only going to make it worse, but probably the only way I can buy time until I leave, but it makes me feel like crap though. I don't like having to stoop down to someone else's level to win out, even if I do win the battle. What's the sense of me winning the battle if I feel beat up afterwards anyhow. I don't want to be childish and to open minded but I don't want to be a jerk like him either.

    I don't go to counseling. I only have my mother to lean on, she is supportive, but she used to be manipulative (she use to have a spending problem and ran up $100,000 in debt behind my dad's debt which made this abuse even worse) so I trust her, but not as much as I want to. I don't see anyone, I don't have any friends,girlfriend or anything. I talk funny so that makes people nervous because they think I am mentally disabled.

    Do you know of any ways I could make friends or get into a good counseling group?
  11. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hey you sound like a good person. I like what you said about not wanting to stoop to someone's level to win. The thing he cannot take from you is integrity, conscience. Amongst other things. But you do have a sense of right action. I think thats a very important personal asset.

    I do have one idea for finding resources. If you live in the US you could call United way. Explain what you are looking for. See what they recommend. They have a database of services and resources. Different people who work there have different luck with going through the database. So it is wise to call there more than once, I think. Just get the name of the person. So when you call back you can say sorry I got the wrong number, if its the same person. For me it was a different person. And I live in a very small city.

    You can usually reach United way by calling 211 on your phone. If that does not work out for you, I will think of more ideas. You should not have to be alone. and by the way, sorry you have the challenge that you "talk funny". I know it must have been so hard to be treated as mentally disabled. But I find that sometimes the most awesome people are the ones who have challenges. They actually are often stronger because they have had to develop a strength others didnt have to bother with. Even though it makes life that much more tough. Just wanted to say that.
  12. KingELITE

    KingELITE Member

    Thanks, I will look into it!

    I am just afraid how I will pay my bills. Where will I stay? My savings will only last so long. I will have student loan debt, especially if I go for my Master's some place. How will I pay those? I am looking for something I can do for public forgiveness, if I can do Peace Corps for a time and come back and try to get into a Policing job of sorts but still, I am just worried how I will do this. If and when I go, I don't want to come back in 6 months with my tail between my legs and have to rely on my father to bail me out and be embarrassed. Once I go, I want to make this work.

    Anyone got any advice on that?