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I can't stand life anymore...

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It's always the same... for the past 5 years, nothing has changed... i try to improve things in my life, to change my perspective, to think more optimistic, but at the end, i always end up with the same feeling...... i feel so lonely all the time, i never had girlfriend and i'm struggling with life all the time... every minute is just so painful... lately i've been trying to change things... feeling sorry for myself, thinking about suicide will only make things worse... but at the same time, it feels like the pain is eternal... when things start to go better, it's just for a month or 2, then everything is the same again...I cry every night and i can't sleep, it's because i daydream about how i enjoy in my life... i dont want to die, it's the opossite - i think life can be so beautiful, but the way my life is now is just too painful... I want to be happy once in my life, but there is just pain...Every time you fall down, it's more painful and harder to stand up... i don't want to keep on falling, to live like this... i wonder at which point my life went wrong, but maybe i should look into the future... then again, i might just end it all... i never attempted suicide... but a few times, i was close... like one month ago, when i was drunk and was convincing myself to jump... i didnt do it at the end, i wish i could maybe have more courage to jump, but killing myself seems harder than struggling with life...

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
Hi you i hope you have talked to a professional okay. Depression is like that cycles alot with medication you can be kept stable no more up and down okay nice your here hugs to you
if you can describe anything that you've done to try to get better, and the results, maybe we could make some suggestions based on that

I hope that you are able to find something that helps!



Well-Known Member
I guess that if you could get the better of the depression then you'd find a woman. I mean with depression you tend to steer away from intimate relationships and it would be hard to live with a woman unless she was pretty understanding.

You might be out of work also - I am myself so its even more difficult. I'd still be bringing £10 to a date imagining its enough for a night on the town with all expenses paid. If you have the phone number of any bag ladies I could maybe stretch to two 3 litre bottles of 12% cider, plus chips and pie.

Depression is a stumbling block to romance, after all, the main 'gifts' of depression are generally a lack of self confidence, even a lack of passion which generally gets put on ice when we are feeling down. Love seems about the last thing we will ever get when depression really kicks in. At this point, its time to take some action.

You should not just take this lying down - I mean, do not accept it is who you are and who you will always be. Sure, you may have to admit you have depression - but that is half the battle won when you can name the enemy and have the son of a gun in your sights - set up ambushes and diversions.

Depression CAN be defeated. You just got to find methods that work for you.

Now if you feel like dying most of the time - then there is something to be angry about. You do not deserve this - and you know that most of the worry you allow to circulate in the mind is just bullshit really. The put downs you use for yourself are classical depression which is always honed by our own particular personal fears and anxieties. It seems unique, as if nobody out there feels the way you do. In some ways - your personal experience of depression is unique but its also happening to tens or thousands of millions who see their personal relationships or lack of as something that makes them the odd one out.

Many might even envy people who have not had any deep relationships! After all at least you've not gotten bitter about it which happens to some people. You have all the magic to come to you - and the world does indeed seem a beautiful place when you first kiss a woman who you are falling in love with. No drug can match that connection. If it did we'd al be zombies drugged up to the eyeballs on whatever formula was cooked up.

Anyhow, maybe you can tell us just a brief summary of what action you have taken so far to beat this. I know you've been here for a while and obviously struggle with depression but I've had it for so long its been decades, but here I am, down, but not out.

I'm glad you chose not to jump. you got to watch these things especially if booze is your drug of choice when you need some kind of respite. Depression is bad enough but when booze is added you can get real down real fast. Of all the drugs I've seen in action, booze is the most likely to lead to people hurting themselves. I've seen it a thousand times - closing time at the pub, the argument between a man and women, then one will go home and think about the break up and do something they would not do sober.

As for jumping, I was reading about some man near my area who apparently took sleeping pills and walked in his sleep (so he said) to the window of his 9th floor flat. That is high up as I've lived in flats. The man fell down, landed on concrete, broke almost every bone and had months of hospital with surgery so many times he lost count.

This was recent. I also know of someone who fell from a lot higher, but lived.

You would be surprised at the amount of damage the human body can sustain and yet still survive. The two cases above were almost miracle material. Both lived with one who dropped from the 9th floor out of hospital now and walking!

I know of someone else who jumped from maybe the 11th floor of a block of flats. Fell onto grass but sustained numerous broken bones and internal damage to organs. She took weeks to die.

The worse thing about suicide is obviously those left behind. If you have lost someone to suicide they are at peace, either way if there is life after death or there is not. The pain only starts after you die, because suicide just passes on the hurt and pain to others. When you have clarity of mind you can see this clearly. For most people I guess its the main reason they do not jump. That and a realisation that life might get better in time. You could die today and miss out on some series of events that grow from a small effort into some major life changing events.

Most people would take a chance to save someone if they could. I guess 10% of the people walking past you would go the extra ten yards and risk their life without questioning and not knowing you. If you stood in the street and threatened to shoot yourself - many would back off but some would even risk the possibility of being shot to try and talk you out of it.

So people do care.

Anyhow, good luck to you for this coming year ahead. I'd suggest like others that you re-evaluate whatever treatment you have had. If your using some medicine then try another - if your not using any medication, its worth a try - and maybe its best to start off gently with 5mg of something and build it up so any side effects are minimal.

You want a woman also, so get yourself a little better - get yourself into shape also and do some exercise. Eat well, shower every day and brush for two mins three times a day. I gargle with mouthwash just in case God smiles and delivers some angel in my proximity. All I kiss is pensioners these days. Peck on the cheek kiss to elderly neighbours and people I bump into. But that's just platonic obviously.

We can cut a deal with each other. If I meet someone I'll ask if she has an eligible daughter and if you meet someone, ask if her mum is divorced - maybe blind also!

My regards and please, do go to the doctors and keep a diary also as its easy to see if any meds kick in with effect or if other variations in the battle-plan have effect. Everyone has some special quality that is buried within or often dismissed due to anyone with depression being their own No 1 Critic. Find that also - because I'm sure there is something or was something that you felt was a kind of niche for you.

To get there, depression has to be kept in check. We can do this and you'll find people here who, like you, have looked over the edge but not jumped. These people give me hope because of their honesty and their ability to see through depression and understand it a little.

Its hard to admit to others that you feel this way.

But by choosing to live you give hope to people who you have not met (yet). I hope that one day soon you can enjoy the company of a nice lady and enjoy some romance.

Be well my friend, all good things do come to those that have had to wait.
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