I Can't Stand Living Anymore

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Dwade09, Dec 11, 2012.

  1. Dwade09

    Dwade09 Banned Member

    I am turning 32 next month, I live with my Aunt and her Son, I am on Disability. I can not work due to my back acting up and keeping me from working, Had a bad car accident that broke my back 11 years ago and cost me 1 surgery and 2 years rehab and the woman who was soon to be the mother of my twin boys.

    All my life I have been Physically, Mentally, Emotionally abused by all of my family from age 5-28, From age 5-8 I was Sexually abused and molested by my Mom, Stepdad, Uncle.

    I never knew my real Dad till I was 24, Then he passed away 3 month's later, When I turned 25, I lost my Mom to suicide.

    I have no other Family, I have no Friend's, I have no Car, I have Extreme Add, Ocd, Bi-polar, Manic Depression, Suicidal Tendencies Avoidant Personality Disorder.

    For the past year I have been used by a woman for money and sex, she got money but not sex from me.

    All I want is to find a woman to be with and settle down with, make a family or complete hers.

    I have been battling weight since I was 5 years old, nothing I do will help. I carry the fat gene on both sides of my Family, Mom and Dad's.
    I am 576 lbs, I try everything out there nothing works, Even from Dr's.

    I am tired of being Single. Why won't any Woman Love me? It is all I want. Nothing else matters to me anymore in life but that. I get called Fat, Ugly, Trashy, Stupid, Lazy, Slobby, Loser by all Women I try to show I am interested in, All of them different shapes and sizes, not all skinny and modely looking.

    I want to die, I think about it everyday, every second, I don't want to be alone anymore. I can't take anymore of it, Along with the flash backs and the memories of my abuse. being used hurt rejected by everyone I run into. Everything I do in life I fail at, I can not do anything right, Seems all I do is wrong. I try finding thing's to do but I fail at it all no matter how hard and long I stay at doing it, I fail.

    I feel worthless and starting to feel hopeless.
    I tried killing myself 6 years ago <edit moderator total eclipse methods> I even fail at suicide, I fail at life, I fail at everything. I don't see the point anymore in anything. It is all hopeless and I am worn down and tired.

    I don't care anymore.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 11, 2012
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are not worthless hun and there is hope There are many people who are overweight as you are hun I don't understand why you cannot be helped There is surgery that can be done there is nutritionist that you can get referred to ect there is help so i don't understand why your doctor is saying there is not help Perhaps seeing a new doctor ask for a referral to a specialist hun there is hope

    You keep talking to us ok make friends here
  3. Dwade09

    Dwade09 Banned Member

    I have gone to Doctor's if the weight is not caused by one or more health issues then the insurance will not cover it. I have been to nutritionists, it is not what I eat and how much.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You aren't worthless at all, and your situation isn't hopeless. :hug: I'm sorry society has treated you so badly though, nobody deserves that. I hope you'll continue to reach out here, it can help just to make a connection with someone and realize you're not alone in the world.