I can't stand living

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by paintedsmile, Mar 15, 2009.

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  1. paintedsmile

    paintedsmile Member

    I'm always struggling always trudging, trying to get to tomorrow. I've had four suicide attemmpts in the last month(which makes 9 in total). It's become something other than a "cry for help". I'm not a human I'm a monster that infects people's brains. i feel outside of time and space. Every minute I just want to close my eyes never to open them again. I don't belong here. I'm in a glass box.I'm an alien.

    I've been trying so hard and so long. Everyone is all "give these meds a chance to work". But honestly I don't want to try anymore.I've been on 6 different med. at this point I don't even deserve to be better.
    I've tried to guilt myself into not doing it. tried to think of how sad my mom and familly and people who love me would be. I can't feel anything. I feel no guilt or remorse for any of it. Not in the selfish way but a "it be easier on everyone" way. I want to feel something anything that would make me stop.

    I've lost the ability to feel love from my family and friends. I've only stayed alive this long because it hasn't been the right time. I'm not alive for me,I was alive for everyone else,but not anymore I only kill them. I was going to make a goal of atleast making it to graduation..but I don't know anymore. I feel the next thing I have plannned will be the last..because I will succeed.
  2. artikchill

    artikchill Well-Known Member

    Let your goal be graduation. That'll be the best feeling in the world, knowing that you did something and you completed it.

    I've always found that setting a goal a day helps ease the pain and suffering that I intend to put on myself. If you have too go and take a walk in some fresh air and clear you mind. Sometimes it just takes time to ourselves to realize that there is more then death.
  3. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    yeah try to make graduation.
    You dont have to plan things, sometimes letting go can give relief.
    The most interesting people I know still dont know what to do with their life.
    I personally stopped planning cause that made me feel depressed. Now I just make it through every day and I do what I feel like doing (which sometimes is nothing ;) )

    stop worrying about what other might think, worry about yourself..
    Focus on you..

  4. Dahak

    Dahak Well-Known Member

    Thats how a felt when i thought about doing it along time ago but then i thought they don't even care enough to ask me whats going on.
  5. paintedsmile

    paintedsmile Member

    yeah I'm just trying to make it through the day
  6. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    Besids following their advice, which is quite good, have you considered anything else in this world that gives you some degree of solace and happiness? Surely there is something--a favorite food, song, hobby, etc--something simple yet fullfilling in its own way.

    In fact, what is it that has kept you going during this hard time?
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