I can't stand loneliness anymore...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Hurted, May 22, 2011.

  1. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    I'm over 20 years old and I never had a girlfriend. In my entire life, i was on 2 dates. I did kissed a few girls, but it was always when i were drunk or something...

    I never established deeper connection with any girl. Not as a friend, not as boyfriend, but i do have some female "friends" (i used "" because we don't see each other so often...).

    It seems as if the only thing i wanted for the last 10 years is to have a girl. As a child i thought it will happen when it happens, but last 5 years have been hell. I've been depressed and suicidal mostly because of my loneliness.

    I can't take it any longer... after doing some reasearches and reading numerous experiences from other guys it seems that those who never had relationship until 20 ussualy have problems with women for entire life... it's not like they suddenly learn hot to get a girl and then have many girlfriends... speaking of that, i want a real, long term relationship, not just "some fun". But i'm afraid i will end marrying a girl i don't love, just because i wont have a chance to meet more girls or out of fear i'll be forever alone.

    I've become more outgoing (2-3 times per week) and i am, or at least, look like i am confident. Everyone says i'm pretty nice and i dont think my personality or look has anything to do with me being single... i just found it hard to meet and talk to girls...

    It's been the same for 5 years now, every day is exactly the same and i'm slowly drowning in pain and solitude...

    And the last thing... experiences... the older i get, the harder i will found excuses for not having experiences and girlfriends... Normal people could hardly understand that someone has never had girlfriend, people will wonder what's wrong with me or if i am even normal...

    EDIT: Just to make it clear: the reason i want a girlfriend is not sex or because i feel i should have a girlfriend at my age. It's simply because i want someone to love me and to receive my love. Neglect of my emotions is leaving severe consequencies, like drug abuse (chain smoking, binge drinking at least 2 times per week) etc...
  2. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Loneliness is a killer. I turn 21 soon and although I've had two boyfriends in the past, I can relate a lot to what you've said. One was just a guy friend who I didn't actually connect with on pretty much any level, and the other ended up lying and cheating on me so any connection we ever had feels like it was fake because he was pretending to be someone that he isn't.

    Do you think there might be a possibility that you're trying too hard, and that that might be coming off in the way you act, talk, etc? I have a friend a lot like you; he too is over 20 and never had a girlfriend, but I can accurately say, as a girl myself and one that he has asked out a fair few times in the past, that his issue is that it is clear from the way he is that he is a little too keen for a relationship. I can't really explain it fully.. it's just something a girl can pick up on and turns us off really easily. You have to try and play it cool and act indifferent, even.

    Personally I tend to like guys that barely notice I'm there, rather than the ones that talk to me all the time and try to get to know me. It's stupid.. and really hard to explain.. but if you can find the right balance of being interested in a girl but not letting it show too much, then chances are you may just succeed in attracting someone at some point.

    I probably didn't help at all, sorry. :unsure:
  3. *kyle*

    *kyle* Well-Known Member

    im 20 and have never had a girlfriend either. i was with one girl recently for a month and a bit but she was after something else. i understand perfectly dude, the lonelyness does get to you and its so damn hard to talk to girls if you aint been really connected with one before. its good your putting urself out there alot more, but as they say '' love will get you when you least expect it'',
    in saying that, the problem is that maybe because you are looking for it in every girl you cant be relaxed. one of my friends who has a girl friend is always so cool with girls because he aint trying at all.

    just keep in mind man, stay cool, keep looking good and you'll get to give all that love inside to some lucky lady, just make sure you dont love her too quickly you'll scare her off. i did that after thinking i never would.
  4. johnsmythe

    johnsmythe Well-Known Member

    Lol. It only gets worse from here.
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Do you love yourself? You say you want to be loved... however it is very important that you love yourself friend.

    As for guys who are over 20 always having trouble with females. Well I cannot say one way or another. I have only had one... ehhh female in my life. However, there is a lot of ideas on what attracts females to males out there. Like anything a lot of them work for one particular situation or just do not work at all. I am still working on my "inner game" right now. However, the book/community I have a lot of faith in is called Magic Bullets. Yes it is not free.. not to mention it is pretty expensive... considering it is a e-book. However... well that is what torrents are for :rolleyes:.

    Anyway, there is nothing wrong with admitting you might be doing something wrong.

    Of course if you feel that route is sleazy or some other negative description. Can I ask how are you being more out-going? Maybe you should find a different venue for meeting females.
  6. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    Oh joy! I'm turning 24 in less than a week and I've been absolutely bone dry in regards to relationships, love, etc. Probably going to stay that way. : /

    Oh damn, I am NOT looking forward to all that grilling by my relatives and other people as to why I'm alone and everyone else found someone.

    It especially stinks in my Indian culture where if I'm not married by age 30 or whatever, I'm really a freak!

    When they get suspicious and puzzled as to why I'm still alone, I'll probably have to FINALLY tell them of my depression and mental illness. Ugh.

    Well, at least I have an excuse if I don't find someone, unlike all my relatives, I'm sick in the head, they are all normal as can be!
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2011
  7. Kandiman

    Kandiman Member

    This is great advice. When I was a bit of an unapologetic hound, in my much younger days, I used o play that card all the time, with great results. Of course, nowadays, I feel really guilty about having been 'that guy' but it works.

    It's not really 'dating advice' but starting a conversation about something a girl is interested in - easy if they're carrying a book or iPod - then just relax, be nice (maybe even charming if you feel brave) and hold the conversation before dropping in the phrase 'we could go get a drink/coffee (pick your time of day carefully. If it's mid-afternoon, coffee is much safer) and talk some more, if you want?'

    I'd demonstrate, but that'd require a female volunteer to role play. And there are times when that'll read quite skeevy on t'interwebs.
  8. 6v6gt

    6v6gt New Member

    You are not alone, I'm turning 29 soon. I've pretty much given up on it..
    It's a vicious circle that never ends.. I've stopped caring because it made things even worse.. Girls often wants to talk about previous relationships.. friendships.. funny situations that happened with friends, etc. But i have none of those to provide in a conversation so basically i guess i end up in the sicko/freak group quite quickly... and you know the rest. It's quite funny that my few friends (all guys of course) say that I'm so good at everything, that I'm funny, guys at work say's that they would like to get drunk with me because I'm so funny. Yet no girl ever notice me, wants to talk to me, talks about me , smile at me, ask about me, or anything. I'm pretty sure i am invisible.

    The social pressure of having to be with someone, getting laid, having lots of friends etc has gotten me to avoid people more and more. i remember in my early 20s saying to myself: "If I'm still alone at 30y old ill just kill myself".. Now at 29 I'm more lonely and isolated than i ever was.. nobody ever call me, i could shut off my cell phone for 2 months without worrying having a missed call from (so-called) friends, i disabled my facebook 6 month ago and nobody noticed.

    Right now i'm just saving money to finish paying my car quickly and any dept i have, so that my parents don't have to pay anything when ill kill myself ... it's the least i can do.

    I hope it works better for you in your late 20's than it did for me!
    Keep on going out and meeting people, you never know...!
  9. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    This paragraph hits a VERY close chord with me. I also feel that 30 is the maximum age in which I MUST take my own life, especially if I am still the way I am now, a lonely, fat, pathetic failure. I just turned 24 two days ago. I know especially by then, I will be very pestered and bothered by my family as to why I haven't married, why I never, ever found a girlfriend, never had relations, etc. Sorry, but I'm far from normal here you guys! Maybe if I tell them of all my problems, they will understand. Really only my parents and little brother know that I am depressed and suicidal, I've hidden it from everyone else.

    I could also turn off my Facebook and cell phone and nobody would miss me, lol.
  10. xsomewhatdamagedx

    xsomewhatdamagedx Well-Known Member

    i have well and truly given up on relationships and love and having a gf/bf isnt all its cracked up to be.
  11. xsomewhatdamagedx

    xsomewhatdamagedx Well-Known Member

    my other post made me sound kind of heartless >.< what i meant was that people aren't always garenteed to bring you happiness alot of people i know including myself have been in very abusive relationships and being with that person has made us even more miserable and unhappy.having a bf/gf wont fix all of you're problems some times it just creates more, i know that there may be plenty of nice people out there but there seems to be more bad then good.
  12. the_unknown

    the_unknown Banned Member

    I too have the same problem but it really doesn't bother me anymore. I have never even talked to a girl for more than 5 minutes. The longest conversation being about a school project. I also have very very few so called friends so the loneliness also gets to me but I'm fine being lonely and all. Girls won't like me anyway. I don't know if this will help you or not but I've realized that we don't need people who love us. If we will just accept who we are and that we will be alone for the rest of our lives then life will be easier but less colorful. But if I can't take it anymore 25 is the magic number.
    Like other people here, I also had deactivated my facebook account and I only had 63 so called friends.
    LOL to people who say that "no man is an island" I'm 18 now and I've been an island for as long as I remember.
  13. xsomewhatdamagedx

    xsomewhatdamagedx Well-Known Member

    i have had a few guys say the like me solely because they think im something im not i just dont attract good guys at all.all i attract is abusive control freaks even a friend of mine who i though liked me was laughing behind my back when he knew i had feelings for him i cant stand the loneliness either but i cant let myself be used and abused like that it would only send me over the edge.
  14. Angiebaby

    Angiebaby Member

    I am desperately lonely as well. My only friends are joint friends with my husband, I never stayed in touch with my 'real' friends. Each day is more lonely than the previous. The only real friend I have is a member here on SF but I have not heard from him in a while and he hasn't posted here for ages. We met on a psych ward several years ago. I miss him terribly.
  15. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    I've been going through a lot of the same lately. I even tried a dating site but out of all the people on there I messaged, only 2 got back to me. One of them added me to MSN, we talked once and then she's snubbed me ever since. The second, we messaged back and forth for like a week and then she stopped. I know...dating websites...*shudder* I feel like a total sellout but I'm desperate. I too have also been more outgoing lately but that hasn't changed anything either so I think I should just give up altogether and learn to just accept the reality that I'm unloveable. That's about all it has achieved for me anyway.
  16. pppqp

    pppqp Well-Known Member

    I have given up too. End of struggle. It's just another life disappointment. You know what, some people are not meant to be happy till the day they die...
  17. xsomewhatdamagedx

    xsomewhatdamagedx Well-Known Member

    the people i met on facebook that i added to my msn haven't bothered to talk to me in over six months so i dont bother going on to msn anymore i always had awkward convosations whenever we did talk though you know the type you start talking and after a while they dont bother replying or they just go offline without saying bye.
    i tried some site a few months ago i cant remeber the name of it but only one person ever talked to me and ended up blanking me when he found out that i wasn't that sort of girl. i have pretty much given up trying now because im tired of going out of my way for people who dont even want me in their life
  18. elementdeckz24

    elementdeckz24 Banned Member

    You can't relate at all. You are just like every girl out there just want a guy to treat you like dirt. I don't understand that at all why girls are like this. If girls don't like me or that guy for being nice and actually treating them good then thats their fault.
  19. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Lol, excuse me. That isn't what I want at all and you don't even know me so I'd prefer it if you didn't make such harsh comments about me and my life.

    We all want someone nice that will treat us good, but that isn't what is going to grab our attention. Sorry if the psychology of it all isn't what you want it to be, but no need to be rude about it.
  20. oxygenidia

    oxygenidia Well-Known Member

    You sound like a sweet person. I'm sure it's not because there is something "wrong" with you that you haven't had a girlfriend, but rather because us people who tend to be introverted are the victims of our own introvertedness. Or maybe you're not introverted? I am, and it's a hell to meet people, not guys in particular, but people in general, friends and so on.

    As for the experiences and normalness, I understand that you feel strange about not having had experiences, but please don't feel the need to apologise for it or feel ashamed because of it. If someone thinks that you're strange or not normal because of this, to hell with them, they are the wrong girls anyway. What is normal really? And what is so great about being normal? From what I can tell from your post you sound like a nice person, and that is far better than being some asswhole who thinks he's all that because he has had a lot of sex.