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I cant stand my mom anymore?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Izzy559, Feb 27, 2014.

  1. Izzy559

    Izzy559 Member

    I dont like being around her anymore, she is just so self centered and has some serious anger and mood swing issues i dont know wat it is but lately she has been a real rude. She will be fine one minute and the next she starts slamming things and being mean. For example just about a week ago she was mad ALL DAY slamming doors and anything she touches, it turns out she thought my dad was cheating OUT OF NO WHERE! And i could hear her screaming at my dad and saying she is treated like dirt (yeah right) we wash the dishes, clothes, throw out the trash, etc she might do it ONE TIME then all hell breaks lose, the other day i woke up and she told me "are you going to your aunt's birthday?" i said no and she gave a sarcastic "you have anything better to do?" and i just walked away, then she came into the kitchen and said "wash your dishes" rudely and i knew she was in one of her mood swings so i walked away with out saying a word cause she would find any way to twist it and make me look like the bad boy. I went into my room and she followed and said "fine im sorry you dont have to listen to anything i tell you to do" very rudely and now im the bad boy and she is waiting for me to say sorry? Seriously? I love her but i cant stand being around her anymore she plays victim too much and argues. Our house revolves around her if she is mad or sad we all feel it and i cant talk to my dad he lost his man hood in her purse somewhere (its pathetic how weak he is) it wasnt always like this but i dont want my relationship with my mom to be tarnished what should i do?
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi Izzy. I know this does not answer your question but I think the most important thing you can do is to not believe for one second that how she makes you feel is the real definition of who you are.

    My mother had very similar things going on when I was growin up ( and it does continue for her). She would go off at anything. often with horrible words. Sometimes with more than words. I believed her about who I was and it harmed me a lot.

    So if I could say only one thing to you it would be to do anything you have to do to try to not define yourself according to how she makes you feel about yourself. I am not sure how you can do that. But I hope you will try to come up with some good ideas. eg counseling. Even if it is a school counselor ( if you are in school). Considering you have come to this community I am guessing this is a pretty serious problem for you. And I am sorry. Please please please keep posting at sf if it feels okay to you. This can be such a supportive place where you can really say what you feel.

    My mother drank. That was a part of the problem. Does your mom drink a lot?

    To try to answer how you can try to not have your relationship with her be tarnished, thats a tough one. One idea I have is to work on seeing her as very wounded. Because it is probable that she is. This is not an excuse for her treatment of others... ever. But at least it might help you to know that under all that anger etc is pain. It does not in any way excuse it. I want to be totally clear about that.

    BUT no matter what, please believe me when I say that no matter how much you may hear or think that things are your fault, this is not the case. Do you think it might be more important to focus on how your relationship with yourselfwill notbe tarnished? I do. No matter how many times you may hear that you are wrong or bad etc, it is not the truth. I am here to tell you that. Hopefully you can find a way to believe that. I know it is not easy when a parent is constantly saying things that create bad feelings about yourself.

    One thing that helped my brother when we were growing up was he had a lot of things he did outside the house. He made sure he was gone most of the time. I do not know if that is possible for you. I was the kind of kid where that was not an option. But he said that helped him a lot to survive it. He still had wounding. But it was not as bad as it could have been.

    Do you think that it would be possible to get some kind of counseling? Is there an adult locally you can talk to about how you are feeling? Someone who can be an ally? And, once again, does she drink a lot?

    Again,please keep posting here at sf, if you want. Its such a good community for many people.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 27, 2014