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I can't stand the way life makes me feel...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by riz, Jun 26, 2009.

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  1. riz

    riz Senior Member

    I'm in a really negative place right now. I'm sick of people, I'm sick of friends and I'm sick of life.

    She reminded me that this is only the beginning. The fact that I'm 21 years old, failed out of school because of my last suicide attempt, and the only things I manage to do is work a lot and smoke, brings me down to my knees in pain. I have worked for the last year and I have NOTHING to show for it. I'm a fucking mess.

    And apparently seasons start to move this fast for everyone.

    What the fuck is the point? Why do I feel the need to stay here and struggle through all this. Sure. Suicide is the "easy way out." Well, when you're stuck struggling this hard for EVERYTHING, easy starts to sound good.

    I'm so close again. And the only thing that's stopping me from cutting is the fact that I've already spent so much money on the scar cream to remove the ones from my legs. And I can feel the strain from not cutting this time. I know what it takes to stop crying, and yet I can't bring myself to do it. I'm a mess and I can't get it together.

    I've started to have my panic attacks again. And it sucks because a jackass "soon to be ex" friend is pretty much to blame for bringing them on. Without him, I can see myself finally having an open door to leave. I found meaning with him and now I see the stage is set for me to go. It's my chance to leave before this agony turns into a constant.

    It sucks because every time I feel like I've reached some sort of comfortability with myself and this life, something shows me how fucked up everything is. I'm bruised and tired and broken and lost. My life has no meaning and I can't seem to find the energy to even write a damn note because no one is worth the time to me right now.

    Fuck this. Fuck everything. I don't like the way this makes me feel anymore...
  2. Ants

    Ants Well-Known Member

    I was there about 30 years ago and all I can tell you is that I am sure friggin' glad I am still here. You are at a horrible age. for some of us it seemed like it wasn't worth it. Know what? Ask my grand daughters whether it was worth me hangin around. Fuck the world man, take care of yourself!
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 26, 2009
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear you feel so bad, I can really feel your hurt and pain in your writing. I hope this doesn't sound too off topic but you are an unbelievable writer, you really are. I don't know what you do for work but have you considered writing? Because of what you have gone through you have a incredible story to tell, a story that may change and help others that feel as you do.
    There are many other things I could say right now but it appears your gone for the night so will leave it at that and hope you read what I have said. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk but please consider your writing and the talent that you have.
    Take care of yourself,
  4. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I know it seems bleak and hard to carry on right now, but it's always worth persevering and hanging on because you just never know what good things are to come your way and who you'd be hurting by giving up on it all :hug: Hope you are feeling better today.
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