I cant stand this anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by trinityx2199, May 6, 2008.

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  1. trinityx2199

    trinityx2199 New Member

    I cant stand going through life like this.
    I am very shy and have social phobias which means that I have spent my life with no friends. Even the simplist things like ordering coffee or saying 'hello' is hard for me. There is this guy I like at college and I cant find the courage to even say hi to him, even though we took a course together a couple of semesters ago and spoke a little back then. Now I see him around campus with his girlfriend and it's just tearing me apart. I have noone to talk about how I feel. Things at home are even worse. My father has schizophrenia, and living around him is unbearable and only making my condition worse. I cant move out cause the cost of living along with school tuition make it impossible for me at the time. These past days I've been thinking alot about killing myself. This isn't the first time that I've had thoughts of doing it. I just see no hope in life at 23.
  2. InMyWay

    InMyWay Active Member

    Hi. I kind of know what you're going through. I have a similar problem with being really shy and having social phobias. My advice would be to make an appointment with your school counselor's office. I went to see the ones at my college before I graduated for different reasons, but we did discuss the social phobias. It can really help to just talk to someone about it. They'll give you advice about stuff you can do around the school.

    Joining a club might not hurt either. Maybe there is a club associated with your major or a course you have some interest in. In my experience being in a club forced me to interact with people and make some friends. But only do what you feel comfortable doing. I'd start with the counselor first. Hope things get better for you.
  3. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    Stick around a bit. We here are willing to listen and try to help you with those feelings.

    Tackling social phobias is hard, but once you get through, live will be much better.

    My problem was never as hard as yours but it was still a tough time to step out of my comfortable ring. The more often you do it, the larger your ring gets and the more outgoing you will become.

    You can start here online, so no one will know who you are.

  4. trinityx2199

    trinityx2199 New Member

    Thanks for the support. it feels good to know that there are people that may know what you're going through.
    What really bothers me the most though, is that my mother blames my situation on me. She tells me that I am old enough to change my lifestyle and just get out there. But what she doesn't understand is that the problem is rooted back to my childhood, and it isn't just a matter of choice. I have not chosen to be how I am. I grew up in a very secluded world, where it was just me and my parents. No other family or friends. My father was suspicious of everyone and didn't want anyone around us. Noone ever taught me social skills. I never had the opportunity.
    Who doesn't want to have friends and feel liked and loved, and just have fun in life? I know she loves me, but sometimes I think she is in denial of this whole situation and would rather put the blame on me rather than on the dysfunctional family life that we live in.
  5. Gunner12

    Gunner12 Well-Known Member

    It's never too late to learn.

    Try social things in small steps, a bit at a time.

    First try saying hi, if they greet back and try to start a conversation, follow along with what you heart tells you to say.

    Start small, follow your own pacing.
  6. dreamer

    dreamer Well-Known Member

    I relate to your situation. My father is schizophrenic and suspicious. Living with him has made my life hard. Thanks to him, I also have a depressed and violent brother. Its difficult.. its harder to leave as well because im scared i will be completely alone
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