I cant stand going through life like this. I am very shy and have social phobias which means that I have spent my life with no friends. Even the simplist things like ordering coffee or saying 'hello' is hard for me. There is this guy I like at college and I cant find the courage to even say hi to him, even though we took a course together a couple of semesters ago and spoke a little back then. Now I see him around campus with his girlfriend and it's just tearing me apart. I have noone to talk about how I feel. Things at home are even worse. My father has schizophrenia, and living around him is unbearable and only making my condition worse. I cant move out cause the cost of living along with school tuition make it impossible for me at the time. These past days I've been thinking alot about killing myself. This isn't the first time that I've had thoughts of doing it. I just see no hope in life at 23.