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I Can't Stay Optimistic

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Forgotten_Man, May 7, 2010.

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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    So I have been talking to a lot of you guys about the shit storm that has become my heart. Once again my heart is giving up hope on the whole situation. Not only that my heart is giving up on living.

    I know that if neither of my friends hang out with me this weekend I am going to try and drink myself to death. I don't know how many beers it will take but I am sure 15+ in under 4 hours should do the trick. Maybe even try to hang myself while I am at it. Because my hope fades into darkness so quickly these days. The darkness sticks around for what seems like an eternity. I just can't take it anymore. Especially because of the reason the darkness is here.

    So I am just giving up unless a life line from one of my friends comes this weekend.
  2. Raphael1

    Raphael1 Well-Known Member

    15 drinks you might throw up and get extremely drunk if you can stomach it but I doubt very much it would kill you.

    I'm hoping that you find something to continue on. I'd absolutely hate to see you give up hope this early on. No matter how hard it is remember that there is a way to cope. If you are but willing to live. Speak to me anytime to vent. I'm here as a friend. Wishing you all the best.
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Yeah only 15 would wreck me. I hope the throwing up occurs while I am passed out lying on my back.

    I have a whole story written as to what out me in this state. If you do not mind very long PMs. I am always seeking advice. It is the only thing that gives me hope.
  4. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    No No No

    i love you...dont do this to yourself hun.... :cry:
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I have to do something if nothing positive happens this weekend. I need to hurt myself for getting my hopes up. I may not die, but I definitely want to hurt.
  6. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    Hey you're a lead CMS developer, right? That's a pretty good job man. What else is positive in your life right now? What else do you have going for you? :)
  7. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    What if nothing positive happens this weekend and you hurt yourself...and then NEXT weekend something positive DOES happen? Wouldn't you regret having hurt yourself then? :)
  8. Raphael1

    Raphael1 Well-Known Member

    yeah pm me and I'll see what advice if any I can give. sometimes just knowing someone is thinking of you and working through it with you helps. I don't mind reading long pms or stories about what got you to where you are. I think its very important to get it all out and talk about it. hopefully I might be able to give you some inspiration. Some hope, some reason to continue.
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    That is all I have going for me. I am in a cluster fuck of a situation that is too long and personal to post here.

    Right now I hate my job because I am stuck with so much mindless work. If I loved my job I would be OK I could work 12 hours a day everyday. However I don't which makes things all the more difficult.
  10. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    Yeah, that's not a good situation to be in. I've worked 40 hours a week once for quite a while, doing a job I hated. It's very unhealthy...

    In any case, you don't believe you'll stay in this particular situation for the next possible 40 or so years, do you? Isn't there any kind of solution? One would think there would have to be...? Not that I'm asking you to elaborate on your situation... I'm just saying that I feel that most situations can be dealt with. Obviously you're able to work as a CMS developer so I'm assuming you don't have some kind of terrible physical problem and mentally you're also able to function well enough to be able to work as nothing less than a CMS developer...so therefore I'm just assuming that your situation can be dealt with if only the appropriate actions are taken? I'm just thinking out loud and I'm not trivializing your problem(s).
  11. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Next weekend is so very far away. My hope will drop off by an order of magnitude by then. Plus I highly doubt the good I need will happen anytime soon. I want small victories to help fan the flame of hope. Because reality is smoothering it pretty well.

    Sent enjoy.

    I will send you a PM with my current situation getting advice on it helps fan my hope.

    There is a strong chance this issue will affect me for a long time... probably destroying me in one way or another. I am book smart not heart smart.

    When I think about everything I have going for me... I get more depressed because I have so much more than most people.
  12. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    I don't have enough time right now but I've received your PM and I'll reply soon, ok?
  13. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I also forgot to mention that I have no appetite recently either.

    That is fine whenever you have time.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2010
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