i can't stop crying i'm all alone, i'm not good enough for this world

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by i'm bad at names, Apr 12, 2016.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. i'm bad at names

    i'm bad at names Active Member

    Thanks to anyone who reads this and idk what to say really.... I've been depressed and on the verge of suicide for years now and i would find myself crying once in a while, but suddenly for the past week or so i have been crying all day everyday like i just can't make myself stop. I'll slow down and stop for a little bit but then i'll suddenly burst out crying worse than before and it all happens at times they shouldn't be happening, like at the times i am usually the happiest lately even those times haven't been doing it for me and i have been crying over them.

    I just have no one to talk to and no where to go idk what to do so i am posting here but idk if anyone will even read this. I feel crappy and tried and i feel a bit suffocated like i just don't breathe as clear as i used to and i really feel like my heart is broken, like it's not just a figure of speech, but it actually feels so painful, kind of like how my breathing is suffocated, it sort of feels like my heart is suffocated in a way, sorry idk how to explain it.

    I am so ashamed and i hate myself for turning out this way, i hate being alone so much, so much i just can't bare it or begin to explain it, i just have to scream and punch my head in a desperate attempt to punish myself but then i just feel like crap afterwards and hate myself even more. But i just can't believe i have gone my whole life as this person, it is too late now, i have missed out on so many great things in life and i will never know what it feels like to be a teenager in love and not to have a care in the world, or to just be happy with someone and i just don't how to explain it and i am sure all of you are laughing at me but i hate being this lonely virgin in life so much i will never forgive myself i want to have someone to love so bad i am just sitting all alone and crying and screaming and hitting myself i am going crazy at all these thoughts of how i messed up and can't get what i want most in life and what others get all the time because i am the inferior loser who doesn't deserve to have any love like everyone else does and i just HAVE to hit myself for it because i despise the loser that i am. I've made everyone i know hate me because i am just that unlikable and it is no coincidence that the only girls phone number i've ever had she immediately told me to stop texting her. I absolutely hate myself for being this unlikable beta male in life and it is all too late i have nowhere else to go and no hope now i will never be able to find any love because i have become the biggest waste of a human being in the whole world

    I just feel like such a disgrace, a complete ugly utterly pathetic sad piece of crap, i'm not good enough to have love, and i just can't take the pain, being known by everyone as the virgin and watching as everyone else is happy and truly in heaven with each other and i'm practically not even on the same planet as them i feel like a bug at everyone's feet. There is nothing i want more in life. I don't care about what career i have or what i do or where i live or anything, i just want to have someone to be passionate with and a family to love but instead all i do with my life is cry and punch myself all day and fantasize about it all and think how i'm not good enough to have any of it like other people do

    I've dug myself into a hole in life and it may be too late now i think i might have to die
     
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    *hugs* @i'm bad at names You can get yourself out of this hole. What about reaching out for help?
     
    MisterBGone and i'm bad at names like this.
  3. i'm bad at names

    i'm bad at names Active Member

    thank you and i would really like to but there are just 3 things mainly, well first of all idk where to really go, and I'm just too embarrassed to talk to someone face to face about it because i am the biggest joke that anyone would laugh at me if they knew my embarrassing secrets, and a part of me just doesn't want to get help like.....it is really hard to explain......but what would i even tell them? i'm basically just getting help for being a loser beta male in life, i'd be asking everyone to do all this stuff and pay all kinds off attention to me and money being poured in all just because i am a loser and i really really don't feel comfortable with it, like i just feel so weird trying to get help just because i don't know how to live and i can't do anything but make mistakes, i don't want to burden other people and have to pass off as someone who needs help and is depressed because i'm really not. I just realize how much of a joke i am and i hate myself for it
     
  4. Flaxney

    Flaxney Well-Known Member

    Hello, you still have plenty of time to change your situation as you are still young. Perhaps you need to look at what your current priorities are in life and adjust them accordingly. And there is no shame in asking others for help.
     
    i'm bad at names likes this.
  5. i'm bad at names

    i'm bad at names Active Member

    thanks for replying, and well it's just......like i said no one can understand how bad it is making me feel ......i really feel something in my chest and stomach whenever i think about it, think about how i messed up and it is too late and i have missed out on being a teenager, i have missed out on love and it just brings me to tears knowing that there are 15, 16, and 17 year olds everywhere who are falling in love and getting more sex than i ever will like i have just failed life. This pain of being alone while others are in heaven because they are supirior to me just hurts so freaking much..... i just want to scream my lungs out and put a bullet in my head and it really is too late i am so inexperienced now even if i tried to get a girl they are all way more experienced i am just so screwed and they don't want a guy like me regardless
     
  6. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    You are not a loser and they will not laugh at you. If you got to a doctor or a therapist, they are professionals. They have seen it all before. What about writing everything down and handing the piece of paper over.
     
  7. i'm bad at names

    i'm bad at names Active Member

    yeah that sounds like a good idea actually i could just do that thanks, and i'm really sorry to let you down but i just can't stop thinking this way like i know i'm a loser i just can't get over it. I hate being so lonely and it's all because i'm inferior and can't have what others get so easily......... i just look around and see how EVERYONE is with somebody and i seriously start to have a panic attack like i can't believe i was born as the loser out of everybody i just hate myself so bad i am so enraged with jealousy and self hatred.......i truly am the inferior human being whose purpose is to kill myself so i can get weeded out of the evolutionary chain so no one like me will exist again..................................i'm sorry to sound so stupid and insane but as I've said no one can understand how bad this is getting to me it is forcing me to beat myself whenever i get really angry ...........i'm such a mess idk how to pick up all these pieces i am just so screwed in life
     
  8. Flaxney

    Flaxney Well-Known Member

    Love isn't everything, and you don't really know what might happen within the next five years or so, or who you might meet. I don't really think it's impossible for you to find someone as long as you keep expanding your social circle and pushing your boundaries. Maybe you should direct your passion into a hobby or the pursuit of knowledge.
     
  9. i'm bad at names

    i'm bad at names Active Member

    I know, i want to but it's kind of hard, idk what hobby i could have because i'm really not good at anything, like either i'm not interested in something or i just suck at it .....trust me it is something that suddenly hit me one day that i suck at everything and idk what hobbies i could have, and because i am a horrible human being i used to have friends......but i let them all hate me because i am unlikable and annoying and hold everyone back so i have no friends nowadays....and to me it is everything, like i said it is my goal in life, idc about anything else, i just want to find some love but for a loser like me that is the hardest thing in the world to do...........................i'm currently trying to get a job and stuff but i am serious in that if i can't get this job really really soon then that'll just be it for me i'll be so screwed in life and i already hate myself so much anyways so it doesn't matter i'll just get my suicide over with.....................................part of me is honestly hoping i do fail at getting this job so i can just die already
     
    zenarrrow likes this.
  10. zenarrrow

    zenarrrow Member

    Well, you came to the right place. Just talk and listen. I gather you are in your teens. A few years back my daughter was on the brink of suicide. She was away at college across the state. It was scary. She had some of the same feelings, about being a virgin, being alone. I am not sure where I am going with this, but I guess what I am trying to say is, as a full grown adult looking back at my teen yrs, high school etc, it is very tough and seeing past this time is hard. They say High school is "The best time of your life" wasn't for me. But soon after I became independent and self confidence grew. I wish I could articulate it better, but I can't. I feel as if I have experienced what you are feeling both personally and as a parent watching my daughter struggle. I am not sure of the rules here, but can I ask if you are male or female? And your age?
     
    i'm bad at names likes this.
  11. i'm bad at names

    i'm bad at names Active Member

    Yeah i am a male and i just turned 18 a couple weeks ago, and it's not even just the fact that i am a virgin......well for starters i haven't even kissed a girl or done anything and i just want to be touched so badly i am practically begging for it.......god i'm such a piece of crap loser.........but anyways it's also the fact that tons of others get what i want so bad and they get it so easily, and it is because they are superior to me and i'm just not good enough to partake in the same pleasures as them.........and that gets to me so much i can't help but punch myself
     
  12. zenarrrow

    zenarrrow Member

    Again, it won't make a lot of sense now, but you will meet someone. And honestly although it seems super important, it can wait. My suggestion is get that job, if not that one, another one. Everyday, wake up put your boots on and face the world. Don't let this situation beat you. Also, sometimes people are born with let's say a finger missing or with one blue eye and one brown eye. Sometimes people have a chemical imbalance or are prone to sadness or depression, and medication can help. I for one am on medication and I regret waiting too long, thinking my depression was just a normal product of my own thoughts. When in fact now using the medication I can deal with my issues with a balanced perception. I waited too long to start with my imbalance and I always tell others their is no sense in it, no sense in undue, unnecessary suffering.
     
    i'm bad at names likes this.
  13. i'm bad at names

    i'm bad at names Active Member

    thank you so much for all those kind words seriously...........i would like to think that it possibly could be true and i could be with someone...............and yeah you're right i want to take some medication soon. i have pretty much fought the idea of taking anything my entire life but since i have nothing else to lose now i guess i will just try it
     
  14. zenarrrow

    zenarrrow Member

    Well bro, I hope today brings a new light. Keep talking and keep your head up. I gotta head outta town, hope all is good. Cheers, Joe.
     
    i'm bad at names likes this.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.