I can't stop cutting

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by SweeTCoRn09, Dec 24, 2013.

  1. SweeTCoRn09

    SweeTCoRn09 Member

    Im fifteen, i've been cutting, i only started to get attention from friends but i tried to stop and when i stopped i realized that cutting actually distracts me from my emotions, it makes me feel the physical pain and not the pain i feel inside. I feel like im going crazy, coz everytime i get upset or angry all i can think of is cutting. I always get upset and easily angered and stressed. when something nice happens i get even more sad, nothing makes me happy anymore, the things i used to love doing doesnt get my attention, all i wanna do is sleep to stop from cutting.
     
  2. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    what is it that triggers your cutting... i know you say when you get upset or angry, but i used to si a lot too and i know that there were some things that seemed to cause me more pain that others and it wasn't til i got "too much" pain i needed to si. what made you start the cutting the very first time? i have been away from the si 5 yrs but i still struggle with it.... si is an addiction much in the same way drugs and alcohol is, its not something you ever truly get away from but you can manage to control it. the way i got away from it is a bit diff than the ways most try (rubberbands, ice, ice water... none of that ever worked for me) but i will tell you its extremely hard to maintain getting away from the cutting if you don't also try to resolve the issues surrounding why you si and what started it...
     
  3. SweeTCoRn09

    SweeTCoRn09 Member

    hmm i'm not sure what exactly triggers my cutting. I think it's that my sadness built up over time and my problems that i've never solved or just didnt know what the solution is so i move on until i forget it, but i guess i never really forget so when i get sad or angry even from simple things my emotions just turn to this big thing and then it makes me want to cut.
     
  4. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    what are the problems you never solved?
     
  5. SweeTCoRn09

    SweeTCoRn09 Member

    Well one is before my brother and I were really close then just he started changing and he got addicted to drugs and did a bunch of other stuff like stealing after that everything just fell apart in my family, me and my brother dont talk anymore, when i try to hang out with him he just gets angry. Also me and my stepdad doesnt like each other and when something goes wrong he blames everything on me,my sister and brother. But my mom always takes his side and gets angry at us.
     
  6. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    their are distractions you can use, a good movie, music, doing other activities, writing down your thoughts, drawing how they look, etc etc... it won't happen overnight as once you start it's hard to stop- but i'm pretty sure you could learn to try some of the methods i've just suggested
     
  7. SweeTCoRn09

    SweeTCoRn09 Member

    thanks emily
     
  8. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    as far as your brother goes, judging on the age i know you to be, i would wager a guess that he is having probs adjusting to your step father being a part of the family especially if your step father treats him as poorly as he does you and going through all the confusing things about puberty and maturation in general... and part of that process unfortunately, is separating ourselves a bit from our siblings and parents.... however, i think with him it was likely a bit complicated by his drug use too and that his views probably became a bit skewed and his own confusions became a bit more complex. in short, unless you tell me something different, i don't think it was your fault, or that you did anything wrong, i think that you became more or less the "safe person to lash out on", and thats what he did... b/c he needed something that was "safe", but until he himself is ready to deal w/ everything going on in his life and his mind, you will not be able to get closer to him. all you can do is keep making yoruself available to him to come talk to you etc, if he so desires.... that doesn't mean to force your way onto him by making him talk to you, just don't shrug away from him if he comes to you wanting to talk.

    as far as your step father's treatment of you.... has your mom witnessed this or have you told her of your feelings of it at all.... does she know what its doing to you? if not, you should try talking to her (unless there is a reason you choose not to talk to her that involves abusive or neglectful or other harmful to you type reasons).

    Suggestions that emily83 are good ones.... but also, you should get counseling. if you can't get into professional type therapy because your parents won't take you or etc, then maybe talk to a guidance counselor or a teacher.... maybe talk to a friend's parent... maybe call a hotline? point is, you need support.... and you need adult support.