I can't stop dreaming

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by dostrescuatro, Oct 19, 2009.

  1. dostrescuatro

    dostrescuatro Member

    and when I say I can’t stop dreaming, I mean that I can’t stop fantasizing about my death. And when I say I can’t fucking stop fantasizing about my death, I mean that I cannot stop making plans about it, but at the same time I know they’re unreachable. I am unreachable. I’m too damn sensitive. I don’t want anyone to ever become too close to me. And I so need them to. I just know I’m gonna fucking screw it up. I care too much about everyone, they never really care about me. The ones who do are the ones who I don’t want to be friends with. I mean, I’m obviously too much of an asshole, I just can’t stand stupid people. I always look up to those who are smarter than me and of course much more interesting (it doesn’t take much to be so, though), and they never find anything good in me so they just go away. Or I go away before they go away. I can’t write, can’t speak. I can barely walk without feeling lost. I can’t feel my feet. I can’t feel my hair and I get scared that it will disappear like the look in my eyes is slowly disappearing like the perfume in my skin is slowly disappearing like I am disappearing.

    I can’t stop looking at the clock. Every minute, I want everything to end. Every day, I want everything to begin.

    I’m just another teenager that will not find her place in the world, not because there isn’t one, but because she started looking for it way sooner than expected and now it’s become too late.

    I wish I could give my body to someone who could take better advantage of it.
  2. dostrescuatro

    dostrescuatro Member

    Um... okay.
  3. thowra

    thowra Member

    you just described in detail exactly how i feel.

    sadly i have no advice for you as im in the same situation and no further through all THIS than you. i hate pretty much everyone although i know they deserve and need my love, that then fuels my depression which in turn isolates me further from the world.

    its not easy but i plan on continuing to live out the remainder of my life, i dont wish to tell anyone of how im feeling because that would just make unnecessary fuss over something that very probably would not help at all. guess well just have to pray to god that he'll let us go soon or ill have to do the job for him.
  4. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

  5. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    You are still young... Today might suck, but everything can change in a minute. Take advantage of your own body and do something completely out of the ordinary to break from your routine. I think that 60% of my depression is caused by boredom. There is such a lack of stimulation in this world and technology is great in some respects, but in others, it has created a very self contained society. It seems that so many HS age people will stay on FB all day and prefer hanging out with their friends online than in real life........ BTW- People will come around who will want to be your friends that you will want to be friends with too. Never think you should settle.