I cant stop here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lelantgirl, May 23, 2013.

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  1. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    Been suicidal on/off for years due to life circumstances............more so again past 2 years and esp since mum died last year.
    I am just a string round the neck of the very few people who care, they are my dad who loves me but cant help me and just tells me to keep busy and get on with life (VERY hard when very ill with many illnesses (physical ones) and am grieving too).
    My friend Jackie who been supportive but now is saying just focus on making a new life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    And the best mate I have had who I love and in love with is ignoring me now......................

    I am not living, simple existing and do think its time to go now.

    I come here to get help but dont get a great deal of response from posts, and notice alot dont either, its strange some get alot of replies and others dont.
    I suppose some of us just aint worth spitting on, if on fire. Sad but true.

    Tonight I shall go..................
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Sometimes people post on here and there just isn't anything that one can say in response. "It will be okay" is probably not the response most wish to received. Add on to that, most people on this site are suffering major issues of their own and it's awfully hard to think straight and point direction when one cannot find it even for themselves. Many times, I read a post and think about it hard and feel for the person posting, but I don't respond because there really is not anything to say. When I try to offer alternative solutions, the original poster often comes back snapping, angry that I had the gall to suggest they try getting better.

    Physical illness is difficult. Everyone suffers from something and we each feel that what is the weight upon our shoulders is the heaviest of those around us. Sometimes it is. I have suffered greatly myself due to outside forces I cannot and did not control and although I have a perfect life on the surface, that for which I suffered and the pains and challenges it left me with are difficult to carry sometimes too.

    I find that without solid plans and goals, there is no reason to strive. Once we stop striving, we might as well give up. Set goals for yourself that are reasonable, but also which are not easy. Have both short and long term goals; goals for that day, that week, the month, the year, five years down the line, and for your entire life. Where do you want to be when you are 60? Where do you want to be tomorrow? If you have those things to reach for, then thoughts of dying go away.
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry you are in a difficult place. If you look, you will notice ones thta get a lot of responses typically have a particular issue to address or ask for advice. There is little to respond when a post is just venting or telling people they do not want advice or what not to tell them. I am not saying it is that way with your posts, just as a generality.

    I would like to offer you advice about your situation, but honestly I have no idea of physical limitations (and have a huge number myself so am very sympathetic to that) or what else is going on enough to even decide if what your friends/family are saying is good advice even if poorly timed. I do know for a fact that many times in my life what I wanted to hear and what I needed to be told are very different things.
  4. CGMAngel

    CGMAngel Well-Known Member

    I think that some of us who post on here are not necessarily looking for miracle solutions, just a little reassurance that others are listening and do care. That is why I don't really subscribe to the "I-didn't-know-what-to-say-so-I-decided-not-to-say-anything" argument.

    I suspect that many of us feel misunderstood/overlooked/ignored in the real world, so to be met with a similar silence here can hardly be conducive to mental healing, and would seem to contradict the very point of this forum.

    Simple words such as "I am listening and here if you need to talk" can make all the difference. This is not always true, of course, and as austin says, sometimes individuals we try to help become more belligerent. But even if we can only help one person with a few kind, supportive words, isn't that justification enough to try?

    lelantgirl, I have sent you two PMs in an attempt to reach out to you, but did not receive any response. All my life I have tried my best to help minimize the pain of others, despite the growing darkness inside me, and I will continue to do so as much as I can.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2013
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Hi lelantgirl, I'm sorry you are going through so much and don't seem to have many people to talk to. Usually my posts didn't get much of a response and besides that, I seemed to be upsetting people...so I mostly stick to my journal and the game posts. It can be hard when you reach out for help and it seems like no one is listening, so I just keep things inside...but that's not healthy at all. So just know that my inbox is open at any time, and you can rant, rave, or talk about your feelings or really anything you want to..I'll always be around to respond.
  6. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    It seems totally understandable that you would feel that way given all your losses. Having inadequate support even from people who love you is damaging all in its-self ( negelect/proximal-abandonment). If your in that dark place then get yourself over to hospital or doctors asap and get some meds to help at least for the time being. Having lost a primary attachment figure you are going to have to give yourself time to adjust to existing without them, as you know the first year is all about survival the second is about adapatation and grief will suffuse every decision and day that passes, which is normal. Another thing to consider is that everyone else will be trying to make sense of your mums loss and will need to grieve in their own way. Try reading up on Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, I found her work very comforting and insightful. I wish you all the best.
  7. thekindlove

    thekindlove Member

    this is extremely beautiful and helpful...thank you so much. i want to live the best life possible with the mental illness and life long history of abuse and trauma that i have. what helps me also is being kind to people. so many ppl lack compassion in their lives and i genuinely care about the strangers i come across ....im not working right now but i find that going to the same place regularly at a certain time everyday...even if someone has NOONE in their life....ppl get attached and wonder how your doing and will check up on you...if you go missing sometimes....there are many kind and wonderful ppl in the world...their like rare gems but it is exciting when you find them and recieve that rare gift of a compliment, a smile, or a hug....just someone who truly cares about your well being with no strings attached.
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