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I can't stop myself feeling suicidal

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by nicesinging1, Oct 17, 2006.

  1. nicesinging1

    nicesinging1 Well-Known Member

    When I look back on my life, think about all the mental tortures, sufferings, PTSD, loneliness, an addiction that I had to endure, I find it amazing I am even alive still. Although I am considered young as a 24 yr old, I feel old after having been through all the mental dramas. It definitely made me more mature and look at life more deeply.
    I can't stop myself feeling suicidal because I have failed so many times and live a torturous life every day. I lived for hope until recently in my life. Otherwise, I would have died long ago. I kept living despite whatever battles and obstacles in a hope that my life will eventually get better. 8 years later, the same story. In fact, it got worse, having to endure more severe and unendurable pains on the daily basis.
    The bottom line is this. Despite whatever I had to endure growing up, I really tried hard to be on the right track. That is why I was able to stay away from the 4 major temptations, drugs, alcohol, tobacco, sex. Still, that wasn't good enough and I had to endure enormous, indescribable pains from severe depression and an addiction. I tried extremely hard, doing whatever I can to overcome the 2. I tried everything, swallowing my pride, trying consistenly, relentlessly to overcome them. But I still failed. And I attempted suicide this past May. I thought everything was over.
    My suicide attempts failed and I am still here. But I wonder if a person like me should continue to live life. After all, I gave my all and still failed. I really thought I could finally overcome them. That is why I lost all hope inside me and attempted suicide after I failed. I am still going through unendurable mental tortures, sufferings, panic attacks, etc. from my severe depression and an addiction. The fact is I can't even live ordinary, average life let alone manageable life.
    Having read all that, would any of you still live a life if you were in my shoes? I would like to hear ur insights.