I cant stop myself

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by FrainBart, Feb 25, 2012.

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  1. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    I can't go on. I'm losing so much bring alive. It hurts so much. Cutting isn't making it better. I just want out.. I want to close my eyes tonight for the last time. I'm sorry for allvthe friends I've failed. Why can't I do just the simplest things right? Why must. Living hurt so vmany and dying equally. I. Can't do it anymore
     
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    you don't have to do everything right. you can forgive yourself. it sounds like you are expecting way too much from yourself than is fair.

    do you want to talk about why you feel this way?
     
  3. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    I wish I had the words.. You are a great friend, and I haven't known you long but long enough to know how amazing you are. You have been through so much. There is so much strength deep down in you. Keep using that and you will see that you can get through these dark times

    :hug: xx
     
  4. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    Why do I feel at everything, I can't even die properly, I can't save smy friends can't keep my. Child safe I failed them. Nothing is taking away the shredding feeling I feel so much inside, no cuts deep enough. No burn hot enough to give me the physical pain I deserve.
     
  5. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    You do not deserve any pain hun. Talk to someone about how you feel, do not ever give up before trying everything

    :hug: xx
     
  6. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    Talking wont help me. I cant forgive myself for all the people I have hurt. I cant forgive myself for not being able to keep my daughter safe. I'm constantly reminded of it. How I have failed everyone. How I am selfish, how I am stupid, how I am weak. and I have realised that all. I have seen how horrible I am.
    People dont need me bringing them down anymore, people dont need me hurting them any more, why cause them a life time of pain by living, when I could end it all for them so quickly.
     
  7. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    We're a caring community here, and we want you to survive and thrive.

    Who is telling you that you're selfish and stupid? My guess is that it's you, judging yourself against some ideal of perfection, but none of us are perfect.

    We are compassionate, we all try to help each other, talking DOES help, and we're very good listeners.

    Please post somemore, let us know what's going on in your life that makes you feel so badly.

    I have a feeling that your friends wouldn't stick around if they didn't see good qualities in you.

    You ARE important, please take good care of yourself
     
  8. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    My sister, mother and father in law. My sister. Always say how worthless I am. I saw a message, "that worthless shit, lazy fucking bitch don't do nothing for this house" and that's just one of many. I'm alone. I've pushed everyone away. I deserve the loneliness, and the pain.
     
  9. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    No, you really DON'T deserve lonliness and pain. That's coming from harsh, judgemental outside sources. They've said it so often that you believe it.It's not true.

    Do you have any options for leaving that toxic environment?

    Stick around here, at the very least we can provide you some positive, encouraging, support.
     
  10. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    We're hopefully leaving here, but I doubt the landlord will have us back.

    The comments they say are true. It's all I have heard through my life. I hear it in my head, I hear it from them. Everwhere I go I hear it. They all just hurt me. They get what theywant, they always do. They want me to die. I can't live each day holding onto the thread anymore. I try my best but it will never be good enough. I give all I have to give, buy its not enough. I'm too weakvto carry on. I want to cry, justone tear, but that tear will never come.

    My body is failing me, all my pain increasing bit even with that, it's not enough pain, it's no where near enough to what I deserve to feel.
    No matter where I am... I will never be free.
     
  11. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun please let go of those words okay let them go because they are not true Iam sure your child loves you so much and you love her Don't let people tear you down okay hun You are special and kind You are important and don't let anyone tell you different okay please I too can so relate to some of your post but hun we can only do so much as a parent so please be proud of you okay YOu are doing your best that is all one can do hugs
     
  12. Kaarisa

    Kaarisa New Member

    It's sad when we can't forgive ourselves....we have hurt others, but we hurt ourselves too sometimes more severely because we walk around with guilty shameful thoughts beating ourselves up over and over like a tape that won't stop the torture. The blessing of all the hurt, guilt, depression, darkness is that we have suffered so deeply that we can have deep compassion for others who are in the same pain. Our suffering can be used to help others feel they are. Not alone. The human condition of suffering is universal many people hurt them selves and others. It is not only us...but we can help ease our own pain and others by Forgiveness. The blessing comes in the humble recognition that we are not alone. We are learning lessons of Love.
     
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