Ive always had a problem with depression and anxiety, hell who doesn't these days. Suicide has always been in the back of my mind as some alt+F4 option... But what happened a few weeks ago has pushed that option to the forefront and its now the primary focus of my day. I killed my hamster by being an irresponsible owner. She was my best friend, more important to me than most people I know and we had a bond you can share with an animal that only people who love animals will understand. One night I had her in her travel bag around my neck and I fell asleep on accident, and when I woke up she was dead... I killed her and its eating me alive. How could I be so stupid? Its beyond horrible, I was supposed to take care of her and she trusted me to, and I smothered her to death. Fucking hell, all I can think about now is paying for it with my own life. I know there are plenty of individuals who might read this that wont understand, but I know there are plenty that will, and im begging any of them to help me come to terms with this. I know i gave her a good life, but the end that I also gave her is one I see as unforgivable and in my own personal "bible" that represents my soul, its a sin i don't think I can ever atone for. She meant so much to me, and I let her down in the most awful of ways. Now im caught in a whirlpool of misery that is in all ways justified and I see no way of avoiding drowning in it. Is anyone out there capable of bestowing some combination of words that may help? I am at a loss and each day gets worse than the one before.