I can't stop thinking about her and it is killing me.

Whoever read my thread at the welcome section, already knows that my whole situation is about the break up with my fiance. She was my life, I gave myself to her, all of me and now my future is gone, all my plans were about her, all my life was about her. I would have gave up everything if only for her good and she left me. I'm lost, I'm confused, I'm feeling so alone and these feeling, this urge of just stop living, of giving up completely never leaves me. I don't want to be here anymore. I can't, there is no more fight in me, not one bit. I was trying to watch a movie, not even romantic and it still hits me, I can't stop thinking about her, I can't stop missing, I can't stop loving her. But my whole life with her is gone, everything in my life is gone. I feel worthless, I feel like it is all my fault, I feel like I am responsible for everything and I feel I deserve to be punished. Today is the worst day and I just want to give up, to give in and end my pathetic existence. I'm just ranting, I don't even know if this is the place to post this. I feel I'm in a crisis. Ugh, I know this must be pathetic, crying over a girl and wanting to kill myself over a girl.

 

hang in there

this isn't something that is going to blow over quickly - "fiance" implies a deep level of commitment that has suddenly evaporated leaving you lost and confused

i know it must hurt like hell and worse

you have to give it time until you can clear your mind and open your heart again

 

I don't know what to do. How to deal with it. It hurts too much. I've never felt anything that compared to my love for her, until I started feeling this pain. It's too much to take. I feel I have nothing else to do but... I'm trying if I wasn't I wouldn't be writing this. I wouldn't be trying to talk to someone. I'm really trying. I just want it to be tomorrow already, I'm going to see a doc tomorrow. I need medication, badly.

 

I hope the meds help - I've never had luck with them

Keep talking and we'll keep listening

 

Sometimes I feel she was and is still playing with my feelings. Makes me feel even more worthless. Makes me feel stupid and empty. Makes me really just want to go. I must be honest. I hurt myself last night. I don't know why I've been doing it, I just, think it does remind me I'm alive. I'll be leaving to see the doc soon. I hope it helps, I really need it.