For 10 years, I've been regularly thinking about suicide. I have never put much effort into future plans because I don't think I have a future. Sometimes its worse than others. I've been hospitalized a few times for suicide attempts. But lately its seemed more real. I've been putting so much more thought into it. I've looked into therapy, but I can't seem to decide on a psychologist, and I don't particularly see a better way of dealing with my life than ending it. I am one of the most optimistic, happy people you could meet, but when I'm alone, all I can think about is not being able to deal with life. I've made so many mistakes as an adult, and I don't see myself living with them.