I can't stop thinking about living

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by D@VE, Nov 18, 2007.

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  1. D@VE

    D@VE Guest

    I just can't seem to get these thoughts out of my head. No matter how shitty my life is, I can't help but embrace my existence. The pain is too exciting, the depression and insomnia so intense, the social anxiety too crippling, it's unreal. The adventure of survival in a hostile modern environment makes my heart race.

    How can I possibly survive against all these odds? I'm defective. Surely the reaper is one step behind me at all times. Yet here I am, every day that I continue to breathe is a rebellion against reality. I cherish every minute of it.

    But I've forgotten how to truly feel. I want nothing more than to feel the deep emotions of sadness and despair again, to be overwhelmed, to be suicidal. But pain is like a drug, I've had so much that I've built an incredible tolerance to it, and now I have neither sadness nor happiness - just emptiness.

    If no one can convince me to kill myself, I'm going to continue breathing. I'll do it tonite. Tomorrow night too. I'll probably cough a few times too, because this room is a bit dusty to be honest.
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Im sorry that you feel so bad. But it's really good that you still have the fight in you and want to live. That's all we can hope for on the bad days. Keep it, embrace it, love it. And stay safe xx
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