I can't stop thinking of leaving.

[Seditionintent]

This is so hard, I try to be strong and fight through every day and ignore the fact that I'm alone.. but I'm thinking I don't see the point in living if it's just gonna be a struggle. It seems more like living out of stubborness. My big problem is I'm really brutally ugly, I don't think it's bdd cuz pretty much everyone on earth agrees with me. I feel like I'm so ugly that I don't deserve to live. I don't want to live out my life as a freak... I'm a ten minute walk from a subway station and I'm thinking I wanna go there and jump in front of a train. I'm so depressed, so sick of being me, so sick of this world.. and sick of being here.

 

[jane doe]

hun the onlything i can tell you is to hold on no matter how sad are you, or no matter how tired are you of this life, hang on , pm me if you need to talk

 

[Seditionintent]

I'm a little calmed down... ok this weird. I get like 2.8 on hotornot, so I change pics, get 3.6 so I totally go into depair and wanna die... now for some reason I get several high votes and it suddenly goes up to 7... which has calmed me down. I do think I'm ugly but if a few people disagree with me than I can live with that I think. Unless they were just pitying me... or er... I somehow doubt people became that nice since last night. heh. So maybe the low raters were troll like internet hater type people. Hopefully. :|

 

[Sil]

Especially this time of year, isn't it? I hate when Christmas comes around. Not because the religion involved, it is just because all the people all of a sudden are he happiest people on earth, they pretend to be cheerfull, smiling at people, I just can't stand that hypocrisy... and everyone says that it is the inner beauty that counts, all those bull***t... We know the truth... I would prefer to be a bit less beautiful inside and a bit more outside, if you know what i mean. What else can I say... I think that the people who has these feelings are stronger than the ones who don't even know about them...

 

[lymeinside]

Ok... what the hell? You can't honestly be saying this. Are you seriously basing your self worth on fucking HotOrNot? I don't belive what I'm reading here.

90% of the people that vote on there are guys, and they don't vote seriously. I don't know what gender you are, but it doesn't really matter. For females, all you have to do is wear a bikini or show your breasts, and you automaticaly get a high vote. If you're a guy, you're bound to get mostly low votes anyway, unless you are practically a Brad Pitt.

To be honest, when I looked at hotnornot in the past, I just voted 1 constantly to see the next picture. I didn't really care what the vote was. :P

 

[Seditionintent]

Sil, yeah it's a depressing time of year. It's true that being a good person is more important than being pretty, but not in our society it isn't. But yeah, I feel like I have to look like Brad Pitt just to measure up.

Lymeinside, Yeah you're right, it's pretty extreme and I know I'm mentally ill cuz it isn't normal to get that upset over such things. It's true that hotornot is full of people screwing around, but some of the people are serious... and since I'm now at 7 I'm happy with that. I've seen girls with 4.5 I thought were spectacularily hot, so I wouldn't complain about 7.