I can't take anymore pain

I miss my son too much. I am trying to stay around for him but I'm slipping. The pain of not having him with me is too much to bear. The cruelty in the way my ex got custody of him is too much to bear. The fact that nobody did anything to help us at any point. The fact that so many people didn't believe me when I said my ex was abusive. Every minute of every day without my son is unbearable. There's no court hearing for months, courts are slow, aren't they. I don't have months.

 

Can you not call your ex and tell him for both your chid sake you need to have visiting rights now hun I am sorry you are in this postion but it wont be forever ok you will fight and get your rights back hugs

 

If you are concerned for your son because your ex was abusive, would not it be prudent to fight hard to stay around and to fight for your rights, regardless of the time that it requires? Your son is, presumably, young... he has a long future ahead. If you're concerned for him, then you need to be there for him. Courts do move slow, but that gives you time to prepare to win your equal rights. If you do anything that is not positive, it can only reduce your abilities to pursue this situation with success later. Demonstrate that you are fit to have equal custody and/or visitation and you benefit your son. Bottom line is his well being, I presume, so a well laid plan to assure that is in order.

 

You may not feel like you have months right now. I know EXACTLY how and what you are feeling...all too well. And the agencies and courts have finally taken away the fight I once had. But we both have days. As hard, painful and tear filled that they are. I won't lie, some days all you want is to crawl under a rock and never peek out from it ever again. But you will. Today, somehow, turns into a tomorrow. You can't understand how it does, it just does. Then the tomorrows turn into a week. It may feel like much longer than weeks, but then you wake up one morning and realize a month has passed. Take those days, weeks and months to look after you. Try building yourself into the Mom that the courts will see deserves to have your son. Might only be for visitations...to start. But make those visitations the best days for your son.

Don't put down Dad or try to make your son see the ugly truths. Trust me, my other children have all grown now, but they figured out who the bad guy was in all this mess. All on their own and they truly respect me for never degrading their Dad in front of them. For letting them find out for themselves. Even my little guy right now...he's only 8 but without any help from me, he is figuring out what his Dad is all about. And know what? I feel like a better person for never airing my feelings about him to my kids. Air them to a friend or even here.

The time between visitations, work at making yourself feel better about you. I know the courts move slower than a snail in a rut. But once they do start working on your case, you need to be able to be there for your son. No matter how you are feeling. It is a little easier to do the court stuff if you are feeling a little confidence in you.

And even if at first you are only granted visitation...nothing is ever written in stone. Court orders can be changed. But you need to show those involved that they are being changed for the better of your son.

Your story sounds like a chapter out of the book of my life. So trust me with what I have written. Sure there are the days when I just want to die. There are the days where I have tried to do just that. But then there are the days when I get to have my beautiful son, all to myself. His dad is a monster (long story) and no one even today will listen or believe me. No one seems to make things the priority of the best interest of my son. But dammit, when he is with me, he is my life!

Just as the courts state that a child has the right to see and share time with a father, the same applies to a mom. Take a baby step by not giving the courts any reason to not let that happen, enjoy the visitations and keep moving towards making yourself want to be here. As for the days, weeks and months right now...use them for you! Wipe away the tears and throw away the crap that makes them come. Get yourself whatever help you need while you can, without your son there. Today, you can start. Tomorrow you can work on yourself. In a week you may of slipped but have had the time to get back up. In a month...the sky's the limit!