i can't take care of myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by deathbydullness, Dec 16, 2011.

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  1. the story of my whole life: i can't keep a job, can't stay in school, burn bridges everywhere, always say the wrong thing, always an outsider, i don't have any friends and no one likes me. i'm pregnant and my marriage is miserable, i'm broke, i have very severe depression but even on meds with it treated i screw everything up because i have other mental problems. i have tried time and again, and i don't ever see being able to take care of myself ever and don't want to live anymore. i have a plan but i'm just so scared and alone, if i weren't scared i would just do it. but i'm so scared.
  2. maries

    maries Active Member

    i'm scared too. and to keep myself from doing it, i'm trying to find hope and meaning to living, trying to make myself believe i'm not the failure everyone tells me i am, everyone including myself. if you have anywhere else to go, a family member or a friend, i think you should go there. a change of environment may help you through with your mental problems. and maybe help you get a job, too. i know it's hard, but try to keep holding on and putting yourself out there until you find a job. if you know anyone at all you can go to who can help you, go there. any kind of support will help.
  3. Severijn

    Severijn Well-Known Member

    Hi deathbydullness.

    Sorry to hear you're suffering so much.

    I don't know about your life but I will tell you some things that have worked for me. They can help you get back on track again and get a more satisfying life.

    1. Therapy. If you find a warm skilled therapist, that can make all the difference. Perhaps going to a therapist might sound scary, but these people are really nice. You can tell them anything and they'll genuinely not judge you. Here you can find one if you want: http://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html

    2. Reading self-help books. When I discovered online bookstores, my life just became a lot better. With a couple of click with the mouse, I could order all kinds of useful books. Books with topics that ranged from: goal-setting, value clarification, improving self-esteem, improving social-skills, changing your mindset, etc.

    3. Exercise. This is probably the biggest for me. When I was younger I was a bit overweight, and it destroyed me on the inside and outside. I absolutely and deeply hated myself because of it. When I started doing fitness seriously, I looked better and my confidence increased a lot.

    Have you ever tried any of these? Doing them all three at the same time gives even bigger benefits.

    When you feel down and depressed, your natural feelings say to you that nothing is of no use anymore. No matter what you do, nothing is going to work for you. But this is the danger of depression. These thoughts are not true. Often some activities (like exercise) can make you feel better, but your depression in the moment is telling you otherwise. That's so mean and deceiving about depression. That's what sucks you deeper and deeper into a black hole. You must fight against this.

    Take care, and if you want tell a little more about yourself. People here really care and are here to help.
  4. thank you both so much for your replies... maries i'm sorry you're scared. i would love a job, but i don't function well. i am also neuro-atypical if you know what that means, it means my brain is wired differently from other ppl so i'm a target for bullying at work and school. i also have a few other problems that make it difficult for me to return to the same place day after day, like ptsd and a type of verbal impulsivity problem (not quite tourette's)

    severijn... i've seen more therapists than i can count on both my hands, have a whole library of self-help books... and i've been on so many medications over the last almost twenty years. i really do need and want to exercise, but i have agoraphobia and am dreadfully unmotivated to do it alone at home. i'm completely tired all of the time. otherwise i would love to exercise every day. but where would i go from there? i'm dysfunctional. it's true that depression is telling me that nothing will get better, and i am slipping deeper into the black hole, but the black hole is going to win. i've had depression since i was 5 years old, maybe younger. i have had to live with being someone other ppl. don't want to be.

    i want to go ahead with my plan, but am still very scared. i am also pregnant and don't want to kill my baby. i'm sorry if i sound hopeless and this sounds terrible but i have to tell someone because it seems the people in my life just don't care.
  5. Simon22

    Simon22 Member

    Hmm thanks for sharing this i really like his in my opinion we can always take care of ourselves whether we have resources or not we can manage it some how but in in illness it quite difficult........
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