I cant take it anymore.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by squirmy85, May 6, 2015.

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  1. squirmy85

    squirmy85 Member

    I have no friends, I use to but they always have some excuse why they can't hang out or go do something, I stopped making an effort to get in contact with them. I suffer from agoraphobia, and I have a fear of people, (i forgot the technical anme) and i suffer from telephoniobia (sp?), They aren;t so bad they over come my life, and i can usually push my self past the anxiety. However recently I just feel hopeless, i'm tired of people being nice to my face and then making a comment the second i walk away just loud enough for me to hear it. ANd it's even worse when I'm with my husband, Cause not only does he ignore me, but he actively positions him self so he can't see me, and even he pushes me out of a conversation, so my self esteem is incredibly low, I feel like a horrible person, wondering what im doing wrong and why no one genuinely likes me, The most attention i get is from guys who try to sleep with me and then call me a prude cause i politely tell them no. Is there something wrong with me, Could i really be that boring and that big a loser. People always say "hey we should go get coffee? or soemthing" but then conviently either don't take my contact information or don't give theres, It's usualy someone else comes along and they become eager to talk to them and get away from me. I honestly don't know if it's me but im at my breaking point, My family is always too busy, My friends all desserted me, and My husband makes me feel like im THE most unimportant person, We could be chatting and laughing and having a grand old time and while i'm in the middle of talking he answers his phone and walks off, with out so much as a courteousy acknowledgment, it's as if i wasn't even there in the first place. I'm sick of being treated like some freak. Anyone i bring this up to always gives me the "it's all in your head" or "maybe should try a little harder"
    I shouldn't be the one to always make first contact should I? I seriously just want to kill myself and get it over with. i have no support and I have trouble finding a therapist who i can feel comfortable confiding in. I had one but she changed insurance and i can't afford to go back to her. I feel so alone, I do to the grocery store and chat with the cashier and ask stupid questions about products just to get some form of adult interaction. Is This problem caused by me? I think i make a good effort to be interested in what other people say and im not rude and just walk away when someone else comes along i try to include everyone in a conversation (most becasue i know how it feels to be excluded) i don't even know why im here, Cause i am to the point were i feel like theres no fixing it. I think i've been so traumitized by so many people i thought were friends and family i just gave up on the human race as a whole. So really whats the point. It's been a really long time since anyone called me up and said "hey lets hang out" So maybe i really am done.
     
  2. WearyOneSC

    WearyOneSC New Member

    So sorry you are suffering. I wish I had something encouraging I could offer...I just didn't want you to have not a single reply, like my crisis post (felt like shouting into the face of storm that tore the words from me with no one to hear).
     
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