i can't take it anymore...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by lexiundead, Aug 10, 2010.

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  1. lexiundead

    lexiundead Member

    i've been cutting for about nine months, and it started as a release from everything, but quickly evolved into a regular thing and died down to i do it when i need it, then i started getting urges to cut, and once i get one, as time goes on without cutting, i go through a pretty drastic emotional change pretty quickly. i go from being pissed off at the world, to being in a ball crying, to being extremely anxious and paraniod, which is usually about the time i give in, and on some occasions, i have an anxiety attack, but nobody notices it because i take my moms Xanax. last night, i had a pretty bad anxiety attack and had nothing to help, so i was up until well past sunrise. this wasn't the first time it had happened, and i've come to realize that, now, instead of a release or therapy, it's become a psychological addiction of sorts. i've come to terms with the fact that i need help, and i'm ready to ask for it, but i just don't know how.

    :i'm sorry:
     
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Please don't be sorry. You've admitted something pretty big there and you don't need to apologise for that, you should be really proud.

    How old are you?

    I think you need to see a professional, and I suspect that you may be under your mum's/parents insurance which will mean they need to know, so a good start would be telling your mum, if you can, and then getting an appointment with a doctor. If you're at school, another option is to tell the guidance counsellor or a teacher.
     
  3. lexiundead

    lexiundead Member


    i apologized because every fucking person that has found out that i cut has either left me, alone, or makes it seem like my life is in their hands.

    i just turned fourteen. and school is no help, i've already been through it at school and they're just gonna do exactly what they did before and yet again, my moms gonna think it's just a way to get attention because she has NO idea what's going on with me. i was thinking about going to my stepmom, cause she's a cutter and knows exactly how hard it is to ask for help. i'm just having trouble finding the right words, time, place,etc...
     
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I can see why you felt the need to apologise, however, on here, you don't need to. Many of us here can relate.

    Yes, talking to your stepmom might be a good idea. Could you maybe write her a letter? And then e-mailing, or positng or even just handing it to her? Is she supportive?

    Another option might be telling your mum maybe about the emotions and moods aspect of it and not necessarily mentioning the self harm (although mention it to the doc) because emotions might be something she can understand and also understand that its not comfortable experiencing those types of emotions in such extremes.

    I'm sorry school was no help though, that must have been pretty hard to deal with when it takes so much effort to reach out.
     
  5. lexiundead

    lexiundead Member

    Yeah, but its hard not to. And my stepmum is very supportive. I actually think your idea is beter than my original one. A hell of a lot easier, too. And my mum... oh god. Talking to my mum would be a bust. She wouldn't understand even if I explained every little thing and still left the self harming out. I honestly think the best bet would be to talk to my stepmum.
     
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