I can't take much more

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by TBear, Jun 28, 2010.

  1. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    I want to kill myself - but i can't
    It would hurt too many people, it would be wrong
    So then what - am i a cog in a wheel that everyone gets to use and not care about?
    My children need me though...
    But who is there when I need?
    I want to explode!!!!!
    There is no where to turn
    I am trapped in an existence that is unbearable...
    Nothing but a useless piece of garbage to be used and thrown away...
    Can't live like this...only to exist
     
  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I hear you and I care very much about you (this is ggg btw).

    Can you call your therapist and let him know what you're feeling? From what I remember he/she seems very supportive and realises your process and might offer you either phone support or even see you.

    If not, you can talk to me through PM about what you're going through- I always love listening to you.

    Do you think you're going through a flashback?
     
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I feel this way too...
    I've been here too long doing this already....
    but we gotta stay strong....
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Who is here for you we are o kay because we understand we do
    we feel the same way as yu
    our children they need us to stay strong yes
    all we can do is do our best
    i am glad you came here to see
    we care okay we hear your pain
    try do something just for you today
    one little thing for you okay
    it helps
    take care TBear i am sorry you are suffering so
    i just wanted you to know we care abt you.
     
  5. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    A trigger - a flashback
    To a time when.... If I fought being raped - I was strangled... sometimes both...

    The trigger - I am grossly underpaid, can barely feed my kids, can't even buy shoes; I ask for a raise - but with the economy so bad, at least I have a job they say, others could be hired to do what i do - and they would accept the low pay out of desperation, and my duties have been increased.... If I quit we would "strangle" economically, so I have to stay and "take it" while slowly gasping for survival..... No way out

    But I have to tell myself what I have been re-living all day is not now - the pressure has just set me off....

    G-d, I hate the way the past has damaged me..... I am thankful for the job... but I am exhausted. Don't know how much longer I can hang on - paste on a smile and go thru another day...bedtime stories and scrambled eggs for dinner... thankful for the smiles on my children's faces, safe from the horrors I endured

    So tired.... Thank you for being there - you are right Violet, IV2010, plates.... Stay strong - thanks ... grounding myself is hard, so is reaching out...
     
  6. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I'm really glad you're reaching out. You're going through so much.