of having almost taken takashi's life...of being the reason why he's in a hospital right now...lonely and sad... of being the reason that steven cut himself twenty something times...of having made him suffer... of having ash run away from home b/c of the guilt she felt with me...b/c I couldn't handle the takashi thing by myself so she tried to take my place as a substitute in order to try and make things easier for me of having my parents suffer in utter loathe of me for the way I've been acting of having my friends constantly in a state of panic...b/c I have so much drama in my life... of being...too much of a coward to take the huge initiative of seeing takashi in the hospital... of burdening...lee with all this junk... of being so clingy...not able to live a day without feeling sorrow and depressed if I don't talk to steven... of breaking my promises before...of not leaving him..or of never cutting again. this guilt is killing me as I listen to a CD he burnt for me...of his favorite songs. It burns me so deep inside and my depression...I can feel it exaccerbate. The hole in my soul gets darker and darker...it feels like it's consuming me. I want to end it so bad...but I know that'll just create more pain for everyone else. I can't deal with the guilt anymore tho. I want to run away and never look back...run forever until I dissolve into the darkness.